When a small island...plays a BIG PART

Hey Revolutionists!! Some people think "Island life" is the best thing since slice bread, well those some people must me tourists. Yes its great to never really have a winter, have access to some of the most beautiful beaches in the world and live a virtually slow paced life away from the city drama. But there is an alternate side to this "island life". I would like to touch on a few topics that I have been faced with all my life but express how they have effected me since going to college and being away for six years! (UN)EMPLOYMENT All my life I always wanted bigger and better. When it was time to go to college, I was like "FINALLY I MADE IT!, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!!" I got the Associates degree and the Bachelor of Science degree, worked for a year and thought I was on my way. But being in America on a student visa with no sponsorship and an expiring work permit I found everything had suddenly become in the way. It was time to come back home and though I was quickly met with "WHY ARE YOU COMING HOME?" "YOU KNOW THERE ARE NO JOBS RIGHT?" WHY DIDN'T YOU STAY, FREEPORT IS DEAD!" I still had this underlying determination that this was the path chosen by God and that I was going to make a difference. But months later with nothing but a temporary summer job under my belt paying $10 less than my first job out of college, I have found myself at a road block. It is just a lot of empty promises from Politicians and people claiming they can help me get a job. So I have come to the point where I am like what is the purpose of ever coming home if I am too qualified and I am filing and making copies for HS classmates who have never been to college. Its not an insult to them but it makes me wonder what are we all going to college for exactly? It is equally frustrating to know that "We are the future" but in order to be the future we must exist in the present situation. Individualism Some people are narrow minded. They have this "island" way of thinking, so when new and different things arise they do not know how to deal with it. I love fashion and I love thinking outside of the box, I love dressing in a way that makes me lead instead of follow. But some people cant see it that way. I feel that when you have family throwing light but equally heavy jeers (if that makes sense) is worse than them forcefully taking the clothing off of you. 7 times out of 10 someone in my family has made some type of comment about my outfit choice or the way it was put together. One time I wanted to cry because I was trying to get through to my mother that I was an individual and it didn't matter what people said or how they felt about the way that I dressed. I am tired of hearing "It is not suppose to be worn that way" or "what will people think when they see you in that." Quite frankly I DON'T CARE!! RUMORS I am not trying to make myself sound "above it" but since I can remember I have always been the target of cyber bullying and 9 times out of 10 it was over a dude. From my first love the girls didn't think that I was good enough or pretty enough to be with him and they made it known on the Internet (freeport teens). Then through the anonymous posting on one of the FB apps. Up until my final college years once again they let me know on the Internet (juicy campus). BUT living on a small island makes it a million times worse! People assume, stalk and talk a lot of shit they don't know. While being young and naive I made a lot of mistakes and a lot of bad decisions when it came to men. They lied, they manipulated and they took advantage. I have been abused in every way possible but people make it almost taboo to talk about and in most instances they give you that "you deserved it vibe!" What I observed though is that these men are ruthless and some of the women on this island have become complacent because of the lifestyles offered by these men they let they pretty much get away with whatever they want. Sad but true sweethearts are the norm and in a way I blame the women because men only get away with what we allow. They sell you a dream and when you realize that dream is nothing but a glass bottle pretending to be a diamond and you leave them, they get in their feelings. They treat you like you were the one who did something wrong. "How dare you leave me when after I cheat on you and treat you less than you deserve." I have heard the rumors about myself, heard shit I never know existed recently and as a result of that people have these preconceived notions and tainted images of who I really am. They decide to use and come into the relationship with a fabricated story line of happily ever afters and gold on the other side of the rainbow. They get you and they leave you. It has happened over and over and I'm like maybe this one will be different, maybe he is actually telling the truth and he wants to be apart of my mind, my soul and my inner beauty. Then all the lies and betrayal surface and I am left hardened. The females here make it 10x worse because they "see" one thing, interpret it another way and the rumor mill starts again. "She is a lesbian (family members included spreaded it)" She is a hoe, she been with this one and that one" "they went away together" like give it a rest, it cant be that boring here. NO ONE wants to say "I am leaving my country at the first opportunity and I am never coming back". No one wants to feel that way about their home! But no one wants to be faced with road blocks in every aspect of their life. I have dreams and hopes but my own country, my own Bahamaland keeps turning them into nightmares! continue to follow me on this journey as I make my way to self-discover and peace in this world! Love you guys!