2012 "The Truth is everyone is going to hurt you. you just got to find the ones worth suffering for" -Bob Marley

HEY REVOLUTIONIST!! I am horrible, yes I know but I'm trying.I am going to get right into it, 2012 was a rough year but the recurring theme was loving and losing. Its like all the people I loved the most hurt me the most in 2012. Friendships I never could imagine ending were tested and ultimately failed. I have one strong belief that Loyalty is synonymous with friendship. If you don't have loyalty you don't have anything. I had to make hard decisions every time to just walk away. I know its cliché but I really do believe you have to let people go and if you are truly meant to be together they will come back. I have to start living for me and not trying to please the people I love because I believe whether its a friendship or relationship it should always be 50/50. When one person starts carrying more weight is when everything becomes unbalanced. That's what I did in my last relationship I started giving more and receiving less. He in turn took advantage of that and hung me out to dry. He cheated and tried to make me feel guilty for his mistakes. But even the bad relationships are learning experiences and stepping stones to Great ones. I didn't make any New Year resolutions because I am just going to continue to work on me. The best advice I can follow right now is to give myself unconditional Love because people only treat you how you treat yourself or how you allow them to treat you. Continue to follow me on this journey to self discovery and happiness.

A daughter's Pain

Whats up revolutionists! Tonight after another tearful break down I decided to pen an open letter to my father. He passed away over a year ago and by the looks of things the result of not getting closure has taken a toll on me. Although I might not be able to get a response I know that this is necessary for my well being and my sanity. So here we go! Dear Eddie, From as long as I can remember you have never been there for me. When I took my first step, when I lost my first tooth or even when I had my heart broken for the first time. What I do remember is countless phone calls about promised presents and visits that never came. I prayed to God everyday to send me someone that would show me a father's love and no one ever came. Every time we spoke all I could remember is you telling me how much you love me but you never showed it. You left me alone to fend for myself. You weren't there to protect me when the boys came once again with promises they knew they would never deliver. You weren't there when I had my first heart break and I needed you to tell me it would be ok. Because of you I keep looking for these men to fill this hole that you left there and I keep finding men like you. It was so many things I had to tell you and ask you before you died so I could move on so I could understand. Then you left forever and Ill never know. I will never know how to love properly or what I should put up with or for you to sit me down and show me what I deserve. I tried so hard to hate you but my heart cant allow me to hate someone who is part of the reason I am alive in the first place. The type of pain I feel comes in the form of a heart attack as I try to navigate my way through this world. I keep asking God for guidance hoping he would be the one man who never leads me astray but then I get back to this internal struggle of hating you. All the money and the material possessions in this world I would give up so I can have one conversation with you so you could tell me it will be ok and that one day someone is coming to come along and love me for me and treat how i deserve. Why were you never there? How could you bring me into this world and leave me all alone, I have to hate you for that. Now I am at this place and I have these questions that only you can answer. How will I ever know. I will never know, but I had to tell you this that wherever you are I hope that you find absolution and that God has truly forgiven you. I pray that you are RIP because I needed this I needed to tell you that I forgive you too. To my future children I just want you to know that I am fighting to be better so that I can be strong for you and that I hope both of your parents will love you enough to protect you.

When Men get too Comfortable...

Hey Revolutionists, I recently had a discussion with one of my favorite people in the world and relationships came up. I always wondered why in some relationships men got too comfortable where they start to think they dont have to say the little things that got us in the first place. Sometimes men don't understand its the little things that make the biggest impression on our days. Little texts or calls just to say "I was thinking about you and I wanted to make sure you are ok...Compliments about a new hairstyle or flowers just because its Tuesday. I know that its a little corny but those little things go a long way. How many times have you seen women leave relationships that everyone thought was perfect? We all get to thinking why would she leave a good man. Some other man has caught wind to that and they will come along and tell us what we need to hear. Sometimes women seek that comfort in other men, something so simple can make everything really complicated. A lot of times women don't say anything and assume that the man should know. Its kind of up to us to communicate effectively. I know that in past relationships I always kind of went with the flow and I didn't speak my mind or got what I deserved and I became content with that. But I have grown and learned from all of that and I know better now. I am still a work in progress but in the beginning I make sure that me and the person is on the same page so that down the line there are no misunderstandings. So continue to join me on this journey to self discovery to find love and happiness.

Should life really be this hard?

Hey Revolutionists, Have you ever sat down and thought, "Could things get any worse?" ... When it seems like nothing can ever go right and everything is suddenly spiraling out of control. Well that’s how I feel at the moment. People express themselves in different ways but writing is therapeutic for me. I felt like I did everything right, I ran track for half my life, I got scholarships to high school and college and I saved my mother a ton of money. Even when I had to come home and I knew that the economy was bad but I felt that I was coming home to serve a purpose. I was met with unemployment for half a year and a corrupt system filled with "who you knows". I try everyday not to question God because I know that we are all called to a purpose for those who believe in him and have faith but these are trying times. You know they say never look at other people's lives and question the way it is because you do not know what it took for them to get there. I try to believe that my country is better and if I do things the right way, with my credentials, education and experience that it would pay off. But it certainly has not, I feel like I am going backward in a way, making less money than two years ago, moving back home and starting at entry level positions. It’s like I have to start from scratch. I have Faith that things will get better but sometimes I feel like it is ok to vent. One day I know that my way of doing things will pay off because I have dreams bigger than this planet. "Sometimes you just have to live through the nightmares to get to your dreams."-Bianca Strachan

God never wants to see us hurt

Hey Revolutionists! You have been hurt before...You have been hurt countless times...I know and you question "Will I ever be Happy?" Soon I think. Don't give up just yet. Have you ever sat down and thought maybe God wasn't trying to hurt you or break your heart but just show you that the person was not right for you and you deserve better. I believe that when we fight for things God doesn't want us to have its when we hurt the most and feel the most pain. I know this all too well and even though I am far away from the situation sometimes I find myself falling into the same patterns and I am quickly reminded of the pain I have already suffered. You are struggling...I know...Its hard to move on... I have been there...Will things ever get better...With time I believe they will. I know that trust becomes impossible and Love becomes a figmant of your imagination. Just wait at the time you least expect it, he will be there right on time. When you think God shows up at the last minute he is actually right on time. Words become meaningless babble and you find it hard to even believe "I like you." You quickly over analyze and everything becomes a maze, a puzzle, some effed up game that you wish to never play. But we can't give up now, there may be one or countless others that have motives beside the good and they are going to tell you whatever they think it takes to get you. They don't know your worth and they will never treat you how you deserve. But don't be afraid dont clam up and and never allow people in or to get close. I promise Struggles = Success

When a small island...plays a BIG PART

Hey Revolutionists!! Some people think "Island life" is the best thing since slice bread, well those some people must me tourists. Yes its great to never really have a winter, have access to some of the most beautiful beaches in the world and live a virtually slow paced life away from the city drama. But there is an alternate side to this "island life". I would like to touch on a few topics that I have been faced with all my life but express how they have effected me since going to college and being away for six years! (UN)EMPLOYMENT All my life I always wanted bigger and better. When it was time to go to college, I was like "FINALLY I MADE IT!, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!!" I got the Associates degree and the Bachelor of Science degree, worked for a year and thought I was on my way. But being in America on a student visa with no sponsorship and an expiring work permit I found everything had suddenly become in the way. It was time to come back home and though I was quickly met with "WHY ARE YOU COMING HOME?" "YOU KNOW THERE ARE NO JOBS RIGHT?" WHY DIDN'T YOU STAY, FREEPORT IS DEAD!" I still had this underlying determination that this was the path chosen by God and that I was going to make a difference. But months later with nothing but a temporary summer job under my belt paying $10 less than my first job out of college, I have found myself at a road block. It is just a lot of empty promises from Politicians and people claiming they can help me get a job. So I have come to the point where I am like what is the purpose of ever coming home if I am too qualified and I am filing and making copies for HS classmates who have never been to college. Its not an insult to them but it makes me wonder what are we all going to college for exactly? It is equally frustrating to know that "We are the future" but in order to be the future we must exist in the present situation. Individualism Some people are narrow minded. They have this "island" way of thinking, so when new and different things arise they do not know how to deal with it. I love fashion and I love thinking outside of the box, I love dressing in a way that makes me lead instead of follow. But some people cant see it that way. I feel that when you have family throwing light but equally heavy jeers (if that makes sense) is worse than them forcefully taking the clothing off of you. 7 times out of 10 someone in my family has made some type of comment about my outfit choice or the way it was put together. One time I wanted to cry because I was trying to get through to my mother that I was an individual and it didn't matter what people said or how they felt about the way that I dressed. I am tired of hearing "It is not suppose to be worn that way" or "what will people think when they see you in that." Quite frankly I DON'T CARE!! RUMORS I am not trying to make myself sound "above it" but since I can remember I have always been the target of cyber bullying and 9 times out of 10 it was over a dude. From my first love the girls didn't think that I was good enough or pretty enough to be with him and they made it known on the Internet (freeport teens). Then through the anonymous posting on one of the FB apps. Up until my final college years once again they let me know on the Internet (juicy campus). BUT living on a small island makes it a million times worse! People assume, stalk and talk a lot of shit they don't know. While being young and naive I made a lot of mistakes and a lot of bad decisions when it came to men. They lied, they manipulated and they took advantage. I have been abused in every way possible but people make it almost taboo to talk about and in most instances they give you that "you deserved it vibe!" What I observed though is that these men are ruthless and some of the women on this island have become complacent because of the lifestyles offered by these men they let they pretty much get away with whatever they want. Sad but true sweethearts are the norm and in a way I blame the women because men only get away with what we allow. They sell you a dream and when you realize that dream is nothing but a glass bottle pretending to be a diamond and you leave them, they get in their feelings. They treat you like you were the one who did something wrong. "How dare you leave me when after I cheat on you and treat you less than you deserve." I have heard the rumors about myself, heard shit I never know existed recently and as a result of that people have these preconceived notions and tainted images of who I really am. They decide to use and come into the relationship with a fabricated story line of happily ever afters and gold on the other side of the rainbow. They get you and they leave you. It has happened over and over and I'm like maybe this one will be different, maybe he is actually telling the truth and he wants to be apart of my mind, my soul and my inner beauty. Then all the lies and betrayal surface and I am left hardened. The females here make it 10x worse because they "see" one thing, interpret it another way and the rumor mill starts again. "She is a lesbian (family members included spreaded it)" She is a hoe, she been with this one and that one" "they went away together" like give it a rest, it cant be that boring here. NO ONE wants to say "I am leaving my country at the first opportunity and I am never coming back". No one wants to feel that way about their home! But no one wants to be faced with road blocks in every aspect of their life. I have dreams and hopes but my own country, my own Bahamaland keeps turning them into nightmares! continue to follow me on this journey as I make my way to self-discover and peace in this world! Love you guys!

DOUBLE STANDARDS!

Hey Revolutionists!

Today was a rough one! How rough...filing a police report rough!


I am always battling with this old age dilemma, double standards because I truly believe that I should be able to act and feel and speak how I want, not just because I am a female but because I am Bianca.

Since the beginning of my time I have ALWAYS gotten in trouble for saying whatever I felt like saying but in more cases than one it has always back fired on me. So I know you are thinking why the hell don't you stop then and just conform to what society says is right. STOP! I cant and will never allow myself to do that because if I do that means I have lose what it truly means to be Unique! (my mother didn't name me that for no reason).

So today like every other time I am wronged I decided to put the person on notice, in a more public way (funny thing my male cousin had did the exact SAME THING a couple of days ago but of course he was met with praises and likes). So I did it and you better believe it didn't turn out exactly that way. I was met with threats and black mail. I couldn't figure it out! So you lie to me and deceive me and the other female and I should just sit back and forget it (my female cousin said i should have just "let it go"). That's insane, why as women we should just let men get away with whatever they want and "let it go". Its disturbing and it just goes to show that we are not as evolved as we think we are. If you cheat you should suffer the consequences, it is as simple as that.

I sat back horrified for a moment thinking of how this person could be so cruel and heartless after it was there tip that set off the whole thing. I am constantly having an internal battle, do I do whats right or do what people think is right? Sometimes you have to be the sacrificial lamb, to see changes happen and to make people aware. Its going to be hard but I am going to continue to stick to my guns and be me, Bianca Unique Strachan. I cant live any other way.

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

So continue to follow me on this journey as i make my way to self discovery, I love u guys!