Hey Revolutionists,
I am pretty sure that everyone has heard of a "little" old nursery rhyme "humpty dumpty", well after reading this entry you will completely understand why I decided to make that my title. I am sure I have mentioned before that basically almost every man I have encountered whether it be a father figure or me real father or a boyfriend has in some way hurt me. But I didn't really go into detail about it. A lot of people don't understand me and I am cool with that, the only reason I am explaining all of this because I know somewhere out there in the world there are women going through the same thing as me and I want to let them know that they are not alone.
Phase 1: I'll call this the sins of the "fathers". I grew up in a single parent home, my father has never ever been around. But I do have a few childhood memories where my biological father would come around and promise me just about anything any young girl would want, and to this day I have never gotten any of those things. My father has not given me one thing in my life, he has never supported me in anything that I have done. I remember a story when I was moving from public to private school and out off all the years my mother asked him to help and he told her to just leave me in public school. I felt hurt but I didn't let it get me down, I worked my ass off and I got a scholarship for track and fiend, nothing was given to me, I worked for it. I remember another story when my mother had decided to put him in court for child supposrt, he appealed the case, threatened my mother's job and has never paid a dime. Now besides him there have been other men who wanted to help out but they were never truly committed. One of them when I got old enough tried to come on to me and the other one just constantly lies about doing things to help me. Lets just say, I have some serious daddy issues.
Phase 2: The sins of my lovers
My first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything probably cheated on me more times than I can count. This right here set off a chain reaction for how I thought I was suppose to get treated. More came after him that cheated and lied and hurt me and it made me start to question myself. What was I doing wrong, what is wrong with me? As all these years have passed I have talked to each of them and they have all told me that I didn't do anything to make them cheat, so I'm still here confused.
But this last one, he honest to God took it all. He did more that shatter my heart, he broke through to the core and hurt my soul. He made me insecure, paranoid, he made me question my very existence as a human being. People asked me over and over why couldn't I leave. But let me tell you something, when someone has broken you down so much and manipulated you into believing everything they say, there is no way to break through those invisible forces to leave. People called me crazy, psychotic, everything in the book, I started to believe I was crazy because of the way he made me feel. I went to a counseling group, I saw a sports psychologist. He literally had me in depression. There were some days when I couldn't leave my room to go to class, it just stayed dark and I cried and cried.
My heart was humpty dumpty, no matter what my friends and family tried to do, they couldn't help me put the pieces back together again. I can describe the situation as a car, if you mistreat your car, run it real down, never take it for a oil change. Always drive it around and never fill the tank with gas, that car is going to give out on you and you are going to have to take it to the junk yard. Well in all this I found a mechanic who was willing to take certain parts from that car and rebuild a brand new model. God is my mechanic, and I left all the emotional and physical pain and the broken heart behind. God has built me into a brand new person. The memories are still there but the scars have started to fade away.
This is what I want people to know, my writing is everything. IT is what makes me wake up in the morning to start another day. It is the only way I know how to express myself, its like oxygen to me. I have been emotionally, physically and verbally abused before but I am still standing. I weathered the storm and I knew that there was sunshine after the rain. Getting over the pain and going through the hurt is no easy task, everyday is a battle. I don't look for pity, I look for understanding and when you read this you will know I am a better person than I was yesterday.
So join me on this journey to self discovery, for the women out there who didn't make it, this is for you. I love you guys lets really start this revolution.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Underneath it All
Hey Revolutionists,
Have you ever heard of that song, "underneath it all". For some reason that was stuck in my head. Do people really love you and want to be with you underneath it all, all of the superficial and physical attributes that you present to them. Well the point of this post is that people today are really too caught up on everything that's on the outside.
Brief review: When I was real young I didn't know what it meant to have long hair and skin a certain color or eyes a certain color. I didn't know that when it would come time to finding friends and boyfriends that all that would play a factor in being chosen. But then I grew up and not only did I realize it but I experienced how it felt to not really have any of those attributes. I am not a stranger to being teased and cyber bullying has come to know me real well. I was with a boy back home for two years in high school and I guess you can say that the girls didn't think I was "right" for him. So I was subjected to anonymous websites, my character and my worth was brought down for all the island to see because certain people didn't think I had the "right" look to be with him. I remember this one time in high school, I had a breakout really bad and my school was having a huge celebration because we had won just about every sport on the Island. All the local media was there, it was packed. These group of girls decided that they hated me so much they had set up for a group of boys to shout about my face when I went up to get my award. Now the boys didn't do it but I am telling you this show how far people went to hurt me because they decided that they didn't like me. I experienced it all, I had girls hate me because I ran track or because I was in the top academic stream at school. It was like I was being punished for everything I was and everything people thought I wasn't.
Lets Fwd it to college, I woke up one day to the same high school BS; the anonymous website once again. I honest to God felt like it was happening all over again. They trashed my name, my character, everything about me because I was involved with a boy they said I had no reason being with. They went as far as telling me to kill myself, it really got that bad. The difference between high school and college was that I knew who I was inside and out.
I didn't need anyone to define my worth or tell me that I was ugly or tell me that I wasn't good enough for someone. Its like you can try and try to move on and put yourself in different situations, different locations but evil is everywhere. There is always going to be someone out there that is armed and ready to bring you down. You know the crazy part? in everything that was said, the people were always anonymous on those websites. The biggest cowards wear the biggest masks.
The point of this blog is to show that I have nothing to hide. All my life people have tried to bring me down but I kept up a resistance because a quitter doesn't live here. People who have met me in the late stages of my life don't know me. So they too judge me saying I have a bad attitude or that I am a bitch or that I am conceited. But if they were to read my blog I just want to tell them I am none of those things, i am just someone who made it. I tell people all the time, never judge me until you have taken a single step in my shoes.
Cyber bullying and bullying on the whole has become one of the biggest problems being faced in the world right now. If there are young women out there reading this I just want you to know that you are not alone. I just read about a teen that killed herself because she was being bullied and I don't think it should come to that. On that website over a year ago they told me to kill myself, But I'm still here, I am here making it happen.
WE cant control evil, it exists and through all my insecurities and different issues I still look in the mirror everyday and I love what I see. Underneath it all I am this shining light that never goes dim because i believed in myself and I believe that I am here to serve a greater purpose.
To all the women out there please know that this is you and you should never let anyone tell you what your worth is and how you should look. No one was appointed the position of judge, there is only one person, the Almighty who has that rightful position. Never let anyone tell you that you are not right for someone or that you don't deserve to be with them, because that person chose you, they want to be with you, So hold your head high and be happy.
So join me on this journey to self-discovery. I love you guys!
Please listen to christina aguilera's song "beautiful" after this, that song is beyond powerful.
Have you ever heard of that song, "underneath it all". For some reason that was stuck in my head. Do people really love you and want to be with you underneath it all, all of the superficial and physical attributes that you present to them. Well the point of this post is that people today are really too caught up on everything that's on the outside.
Brief review: When I was real young I didn't know what it meant to have long hair and skin a certain color or eyes a certain color. I didn't know that when it would come time to finding friends and boyfriends that all that would play a factor in being chosen. But then I grew up and not only did I realize it but I experienced how it felt to not really have any of those attributes. I am not a stranger to being teased and cyber bullying has come to know me real well. I was with a boy back home for two years in high school and I guess you can say that the girls didn't think I was "right" for him. So I was subjected to anonymous websites, my character and my worth was brought down for all the island to see because certain people didn't think I had the "right" look to be with him. I remember this one time in high school, I had a breakout really bad and my school was having a huge celebration because we had won just about every sport on the Island. All the local media was there, it was packed. These group of girls decided that they hated me so much they had set up for a group of boys to shout about my face when I went up to get my award. Now the boys didn't do it but I am telling you this show how far people went to hurt me because they decided that they didn't like me. I experienced it all, I had girls hate me because I ran track or because I was in the top academic stream at school. It was like I was being punished for everything I was and everything people thought I wasn't.
Lets Fwd it to college, I woke up one day to the same high school BS; the anonymous website once again. I honest to God felt like it was happening all over again. They trashed my name, my character, everything about me because I was involved with a boy they said I had no reason being with. They went as far as telling me to kill myself, it really got that bad. The difference between high school and college was that I knew who I was inside and out.
I didn't need anyone to define my worth or tell me that I was ugly or tell me that I wasn't good enough for someone. Its like you can try and try to move on and put yourself in different situations, different locations but evil is everywhere. There is always going to be someone out there that is armed and ready to bring you down. You know the crazy part? in everything that was said, the people were always anonymous on those websites. The biggest cowards wear the biggest masks.
The point of this blog is to show that I have nothing to hide. All my life people have tried to bring me down but I kept up a resistance because a quitter doesn't live here. People who have met me in the late stages of my life don't know me. So they too judge me saying I have a bad attitude or that I am a bitch or that I am conceited. But if they were to read my blog I just want to tell them I am none of those things, i am just someone who made it. I tell people all the time, never judge me until you have taken a single step in my shoes.
Cyber bullying and bullying on the whole has become one of the biggest problems being faced in the world right now. If there are young women out there reading this I just want you to know that you are not alone. I just read about a teen that killed herself because she was being bullied and I don't think it should come to that. On that website over a year ago they told me to kill myself, But I'm still here, I am here making it happen.
WE cant control evil, it exists and through all my insecurities and different issues I still look in the mirror everyday and I love what I see. Underneath it all I am this shining light that never goes dim because i believed in myself and I believe that I am here to serve a greater purpose.
To all the women out there please know that this is you and you should never let anyone tell you what your worth is and how you should look. No one was appointed the position of judge, there is only one person, the Almighty who has that rightful position. Never let anyone tell you that you are not right for someone or that you don't deserve to be with them, because that person chose you, they want to be with you, So hold your head high and be happy.
So join me on this journey to self-discovery. I love you guys!
Please listen to christina aguilera's song "beautiful" after this, that song is beyond powerful.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Power of forgiveness leads to closure
Hey Revolutionists,
What can I say, when the words come to me I take advantage of it because there are some days where I cannot think of one thing to write. I think this topic right here has to be the most deep that I can ever write on. I know a lot of you have been hurt out there and a lot of times instead of forgiving or finding closure you just suppress those feelings and they end up exploding at all the wrong times. The reason I can write about these topics is because I was, like a lot of women out there who just couldn't think of forgiving the people who had done me wrong.
Just about every single man who have entered my life at some point has done me wrong or lied to me or just about hurt me in some way. I could just sit here and hate them and judge them for what they did. But who told me or gave me the right to do that. It is not my job or your job to punish or judge anyone on this earth. Do you know what your job is? It is to ultimately forgive that person and that in turn will lead to closure.
Pay attention to what I say next, do not misconstrue my words or make assumptions before you have read everything. Well over the last few months things have been going really bad for me you know and really before all of it I had taken myself to the Bible. During this time (I don't want to say I had a vision) I had this feeling come over me that made me put a lot of things into perspective, I think its a part of growing up. I just had this feeling come over me that I had to make everything right in my life. I broke it off with him and I hit up the girl and basically it was more of me making it right than her. She didn't want to hear anything I had to say and I mean one day she might realize it but I had to forgive him and her and the whole situation so I could have closure. She still wasn't trying to hear it because I think she sees herself as the victim and in the situation we were in, no one was the victim. Everyone did a lot of hurtful things to each party but I am willing to let that go.
A lot of people think closure has to do with finding out everything and talking about ending it but that's not the truth. I think closure is when you finally are able to forgive that person and you know within yourself that you are ready to move on, even if they don't hit you up or say the exact words that you want them to.
I see people of different ages dying everyday and I think to myself did that person do everything in their power to be completely happy? Did they still hold on to meaningless grudges? Did they forgive? Well as of today at this very second I am typing I can truly say that I forgave everyone who has done me wrong and I have closure from it all.
If you close your eyes right now to fall asleep can you with a pure heart say that you have done everything in your power to be happy? Lets make it happen...
(Mark 11:25-26) 25 Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father, who is in heaven, may also forgive you your transgressions. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your transgressions.”"
What can I say, when the words come to me I take advantage of it because there are some days where I cannot think of one thing to write. I think this topic right here has to be the most deep that I can ever write on. I know a lot of you have been hurt out there and a lot of times instead of forgiving or finding closure you just suppress those feelings and they end up exploding at all the wrong times. The reason I can write about these topics is because I was, like a lot of women out there who just couldn't think of forgiving the people who had done me wrong.
Just about every single man who have entered my life at some point has done me wrong or lied to me or just about hurt me in some way. I could just sit here and hate them and judge them for what they did. But who told me or gave me the right to do that. It is not my job or your job to punish or judge anyone on this earth. Do you know what your job is? It is to ultimately forgive that person and that in turn will lead to closure.
Pay attention to what I say next, do not misconstrue my words or make assumptions before you have read everything. Well over the last few months things have been going really bad for me you know and really before all of it I had taken myself to the Bible. During this time (I don't want to say I had a vision) I had this feeling come over me that made me put a lot of things into perspective, I think its a part of growing up. I just had this feeling come over me that I had to make everything right in my life. I broke it off with him and I hit up the girl and basically it was more of me making it right than her. She didn't want to hear anything I had to say and I mean one day she might realize it but I had to forgive him and her and the whole situation so I could have closure. She still wasn't trying to hear it because I think she sees herself as the victim and in the situation we were in, no one was the victim. Everyone did a lot of hurtful things to each party but I am willing to let that go.
A lot of people think closure has to do with finding out everything and talking about ending it but that's not the truth. I think closure is when you finally are able to forgive that person and you know within yourself that you are ready to move on, even if they don't hit you up or say the exact words that you want them to.
I see people of different ages dying everyday and I think to myself did that person do everything in their power to be completely happy? Did they still hold on to meaningless grudges? Did they forgive? Well as of today at this very second I am typing I can truly say that I forgave everyone who has done me wrong and I have closure from it all.
If you close your eyes right now to fall asleep can you with a pure heart say that you have done everything in your power to be happy? Lets make it happen...
(Mark 11:25-26) 25 Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father, who is in heaven, may also forgive you your transgressions. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your transgressions.”"
Two can play that game? uh right
Hey Revolutionists,
I had to get on this topic after me and my best friend just had a very long and thorough conversation a few minutes ago. Its crazy when women utter or even think that they can "play" the same game as men. Its funny because the other day i was talking to this female and i guess you can say we are not the best of friends. I was basically telling her that both she and I as women have made ourselves look very weak and set a bad example for other young women out there for staying in the situation we have for two years. You know what she said to me? "well two can play that game...". I kind of just laughed because it made no sense that she would have a boyfriend, supply him with whatever he wanted and needed and would go out there and do the same thing for another man because her boyfriend was cheating. Think about it guys who looks like they are losing in this situation? We cant help the standards that are created, it is what it is you know.
I asked my male friends about this and all of them said it made her sound like a hoe. I know its wrong that men could do it and get away with it but I have come to the conclusion that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, different planets, different genders, different rules. I think in the situation with this female, she was just tired of hearing from me and about me with him and she got to the point where she had to make it seem that she wasnt really into him and that she wasnt investing so much. But I knew it was a lie, it was my bad but I found letters from her to him saying something totally different.
What I am trying to say today is, if you have a boyfriend and you have to ever say "two can play that game" sweetheart there is no reason why you should still be with him. A relationship is not a competition, it is not a way to see who can get even more. I just dont understand why she would still be around after almost two years and think that she needs to get even so that he can show her more respect than love, it doesnt work like that.
This is what is suppose to happen in a relationship, both of you should be on the same team working towards one common goal; making each other happy. The minute you find out that either of you has joined another team and is playing both sides of the field that is when you know you have to call it quits. I learned the hard way, I got really injured but ever since then I have been working my ass off to be a good team player.
WE as women need to take a stand, stop settling and stop waiting for him to come around and realize you were the one. You need to leave so that they can see what life is like without you and if you were meant to be you would both realize you cannot live without each other. I know it hurts but you just have to go through it if you truly want to be happy in the end.
Join me on this journey to self-discovery, helping one broken heart at a time. I love you guys please support me.
I had to get on this topic after me and my best friend just had a very long and thorough conversation a few minutes ago. Its crazy when women utter or even think that they can "play" the same game as men. Its funny because the other day i was talking to this female and i guess you can say we are not the best of friends. I was basically telling her that both she and I as women have made ourselves look very weak and set a bad example for other young women out there for staying in the situation we have for two years. You know what she said to me? "well two can play that game...". I kind of just laughed because it made no sense that she would have a boyfriend, supply him with whatever he wanted and needed and would go out there and do the same thing for another man because her boyfriend was cheating. Think about it guys who looks like they are losing in this situation? We cant help the standards that are created, it is what it is you know.
I asked my male friends about this and all of them said it made her sound like a hoe. I know its wrong that men could do it and get away with it but I have come to the conclusion that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, different planets, different genders, different rules. I think in the situation with this female, she was just tired of hearing from me and about me with him and she got to the point where she had to make it seem that she wasnt really into him and that she wasnt investing so much. But I knew it was a lie, it was my bad but I found letters from her to him saying something totally different.
What I am trying to say today is, if you have a boyfriend and you have to ever say "two can play that game" sweetheart there is no reason why you should still be with him. A relationship is not a competition, it is not a way to see who can get even more. I just dont understand why she would still be around after almost two years and think that she needs to get even so that he can show her more respect than love, it doesnt work like that.
This is what is suppose to happen in a relationship, both of you should be on the same team working towards one common goal; making each other happy. The minute you find out that either of you has joined another team and is playing both sides of the field that is when you know you have to call it quits. I learned the hard way, I got really injured but ever since then I have been working my ass off to be a good team player.
WE as women need to take a stand, stop settling and stop waiting for him to come around and realize you were the one. You need to leave so that they can see what life is like without you and if you were meant to be you would both realize you cannot live without each other. I know it hurts but you just have to go through it if you truly want to be happy in the end.
Join me on this journey to self-discovery, helping one broken heart at a time. I love you guys please support me.
Monday, April 26, 2010
who said crying makes you weak
Hey Revolutionists,
I had to write on this topic about crying because I feel like people take it as a sign of weakness if you cry but I look at it from a different perspective. I think my tears always symbolize the washing away of something out my life or bringing something into my life. You know its something like the waves of the ocean, you see it coming into shore like its bringing something but then it kind of splashes right back out. Well the point of it all is dont be afraid to shed a few tears ya know. I felt like over the past two years I have cried so much I felt that one day my eyes were going to be like no Bianca there aren't anymore tears left. I use to just break down and cry like everywhere, in the shower, before i went to sleep, watching a movie. One time I went to the fridge and there wasnt any milk left and i cried, lol it really got that bad.
If you are in a situation where you find yourself crying more than laughing, it is really time for a change. I found myself in a situation where I didnt even know what it meant to be happy. Men would want to talk to me and they were honest to God good men, I would find myself being annoyed that they really cared about my well being and I would cut them off. I was so use to being with a bad man, that I didnt even know how to accept a good one.
I find that is a problem with a lot of women these days, they become so accustomed to bad treatment that when they finally have someone willing to treat them right they push them away. Well I am still on this journey to self discovery, I am honest enough to say that I do not know what a good man looks like but I am willing to accept him with open arms if he does happen to come along.
So I left that bad situation and I am not saying that I am completely over him because this blog would be pointless if I was. I allow myself to cry for about 30 seconds, I think about how far I have came and the tears stop flowing and I continue about my day. Before I use to cry for days, then hours, then it went to mins. Now I only allow a few seconds, I pick myself up and I push through it.
i dont regret ever being with him because it was a valuable lesson you know, i dont think my life would have been the same without it.
What I am saying, if you are in a situation that is similar just know that the recovery process is no easy task. If you see the signs early on please leave, its not worth having your heart torn apart because the thing is with hearts, you can try to put them back together again but they will never be quite the same
A message to the men out there, if you see that you are making someone cry its better to leave her now than to lead her on because in the end she will never be the same again.
I love you guys stay strong always think of your tears as waves, somethingg entering and then leaving your lives...Please join me on this journey to self discovery, helping women one broken heart at a time.
I had to write on this topic about crying because I feel like people take it as a sign of weakness if you cry but I look at it from a different perspective. I think my tears always symbolize the washing away of something out my life or bringing something into my life. You know its something like the waves of the ocean, you see it coming into shore like its bringing something but then it kind of splashes right back out. Well the point of it all is dont be afraid to shed a few tears ya know. I felt like over the past two years I have cried so much I felt that one day my eyes were going to be like no Bianca there aren't anymore tears left. I use to just break down and cry like everywhere, in the shower, before i went to sleep, watching a movie. One time I went to the fridge and there wasnt any milk left and i cried, lol it really got that bad.
If you are in a situation where you find yourself crying more than laughing, it is really time for a change. I found myself in a situation where I didnt even know what it meant to be happy. Men would want to talk to me and they were honest to God good men, I would find myself being annoyed that they really cared about my well being and I would cut them off. I was so use to being with a bad man, that I didnt even know how to accept a good one.
I find that is a problem with a lot of women these days, they become so accustomed to bad treatment that when they finally have someone willing to treat them right they push them away. Well I am still on this journey to self discovery, I am honest enough to say that I do not know what a good man looks like but I am willing to accept him with open arms if he does happen to come along.
So I left that bad situation and I am not saying that I am completely over him because this blog would be pointless if I was. I allow myself to cry for about 30 seconds, I think about how far I have came and the tears stop flowing and I continue about my day. Before I use to cry for days, then hours, then it went to mins. Now I only allow a few seconds, I pick myself up and I push through it.
i dont regret ever being with him because it was a valuable lesson you know, i dont think my life would have been the same without it.
What I am saying, if you are in a situation that is similar just know that the recovery process is no easy task. If you see the signs early on please leave, its not worth having your heart torn apart because the thing is with hearts, you can try to put them back together again but they will never be quite the same
A message to the men out there, if you see that you are making someone cry its better to leave her now than to lead her on because in the end she will never be the same again.
I love you guys stay strong always think of your tears as waves, somethingg entering and then leaving your lives...Please join me on this journey to self discovery, helping women one broken heart at a time.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
sharing isnt caring when it comes to sharing men
Hey Revolutionists,
This topic has to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to write on. To admit that I had once been weak and fallen into something so embarrasing and something that cost me so much is hard to admit. But I think that the only way truly get past something is to admit it and express how you feel about it.
How many times have you read a story or watched a movie or even witnessed a friend in a situation where they have been with someone who is with someone else.
One particular article comes to mind, this woman was with a man who had a wife, and she was with him for 10years. He kept promising that he would leave his wife and that he loved her so much, but 10 years. What do you think is the chance that he would leave his wife after all those years??? Think about it! I know people out there are probably going, she is stupid and she should have known better, but let me enlighten you from an inside perspective.
When you are with someone and maybe you dont know about the other person or maybe you do, but the point it when you have the type of feelings for a person that you would go to the end of the earth for, there is no way that you can just turn it off and on like a light switch.
I was with someone for 2 years and they sold me everything to make me believe that what we has was more real than anything I had ever experienced. He dogged the other girl out made it seem as if he was completely using her and that i was more to him than anything. See the only problem was, he had successfully found a way to manipulate everything down to my breath. I was a puppet and i let him control my worth. It got so bad that my mood would be according to the way he treated me.
I am not the person now that I was with him but the reason I wanted to share this story and its so hard typing the words, because I lost a lot being with him.
I want women to read this and know that it is not under any circumstances ok to share a man, if I could have just up and left trust and believe me i would have, its scary losing someone you love and have invested so much time and emotions into. The point is when I was with him I was in a dark place, my grades went down, I did horrible in track, it was like I was breathing in and out but I wasnt living, I guess you can say I was on autopilot. I lost a lot of friends and potential friends staying in the situation. Men and women looked at me different, it was unnecessary drama and it messed up any chances I might have had with other men because of this stigma that was placed over my head.
Well the point is and I can say this now, dont be afraid to hurt and be in pain, there are going to be a lot of hard days when the only thing you can do is sit there and cry. The worse thing to do is think about what could have been. But let me give you a little advice, if that man loves you, truly loves you he would NEVER make you an option. He would never make you feel less than you are worth. He would never let the whole world be against you and not offer himself as a sheild.
The person I was with had the best of both worlds, he had one girl supplying him with an endless amount of superficial and material possessions and one that catered to his emotional and physical needs.
Point black I am ok with being the sacrificial lamb, I want to be your sheild and guide you, these men that are in the middle are never going to choose, look at it from this way, try to find the end result, do you honestly think that in the end you are going to end up with him?
Women are beautiful and unique creatures, know your worth and never judge someone until you have taken a step in their shoes.
I love you guys lets continue on this journey to self discovery, let go and be free.
This topic has to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to write on. To admit that I had once been weak and fallen into something so embarrasing and something that cost me so much is hard to admit. But I think that the only way truly get past something is to admit it and express how you feel about it.
How many times have you read a story or watched a movie or even witnessed a friend in a situation where they have been with someone who is with someone else.
One particular article comes to mind, this woman was with a man who had a wife, and she was with him for 10years. He kept promising that he would leave his wife and that he loved her so much, but 10 years. What do you think is the chance that he would leave his wife after all those years??? Think about it! I know people out there are probably going, she is stupid and she should have known better, but let me enlighten you from an inside perspective.
When you are with someone and maybe you dont know about the other person or maybe you do, but the point it when you have the type of feelings for a person that you would go to the end of the earth for, there is no way that you can just turn it off and on like a light switch.
I was with someone for 2 years and they sold me everything to make me believe that what we has was more real than anything I had ever experienced. He dogged the other girl out made it seem as if he was completely using her and that i was more to him than anything. See the only problem was, he had successfully found a way to manipulate everything down to my breath. I was a puppet and i let him control my worth. It got so bad that my mood would be according to the way he treated me.
I am not the person now that I was with him but the reason I wanted to share this story and its so hard typing the words, because I lost a lot being with him.
I want women to read this and know that it is not under any circumstances ok to share a man, if I could have just up and left trust and believe me i would have, its scary losing someone you love and have invested so much time and emotions into. The point is when I was with him I was in a dark place, my grades went down, I did horrible in track, it was like I was breathing in and out but I wasnt living, I guess you can say I was on autopilot. I lost a lot of friends and potential friends staying in the situation. Men and women looked at me different, it was unnecessary drama and it messed up any chances I might have had with other men because of this stigma that was placed over my head.
Well the point is and I can say this now, dont be afraid to hurt and be in pain, there are going to be a lot of hard days when the only thing you can do is sit there and cry. The worse thing to do is think about what could have been. But let me give you a little advice, if that man loves you, truly loves you he would NEVER make you an option. He would never make you feel less than you are worth. He would never let the whole world be against you and not offer himself as a sheild.
The person I was with had the best of both worlds, he had one girl supplying him with an endless amount of superficial and material possessions and one that catered to his emotional and physical needs.
Point black I am ok with being the sacrificial lamb, I want to be your sheild and guide you, these men that are in the middle are never going to choose, look at it from this way, try to find the end result, do you honestly think that in the end you are going to end up with him?
Women are beautiful and unique creatures, know your worth and never judge someone until you have taken a step in their shoes.
I love you guys lets continue on this journey to self discovery, let go and be free.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Bravery over Bitterness
Morning Revolutionists,
I just wanted to go over bravery and bitterness because I believe it is the most crucial thing after you have left something that might have been bad or that have left you damaged. Bravery is defined as possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance. Bitterness can be defined as characterized by intense antagonism or hostility: bitter hatred. When you see those two definitions would you want to exhibit courage or hostility. Most of you would probably say be brave but in reality you will not be this way. I can say that because I too have taken that bitter road before and what I have learned is the only person it ends up hurting is me. You end up pushing away the people who truly care about you.
I have been hurt by every man who have probably entered my life from my mother down to my latest relationship and after almost 22 years I could just jump to the conclusion that I am always going to get hurt, but instead i enter each new relationship with the hope that a man is finally going to treat me the way i deserve. I am honestly tired and I am sure men are too, of women coming into relationships talking about I have been hurt before I dont know if I could trust again. Right there! at that very moment you have opened the flood gates for trust issues in something that's so new and that you know nothing about.
Its always a gamble, we can never know if that person is running game or not, the only thing we can do is us and do it at our best because in the end you know within yourself that you gave your all to make it work. Trust me ladies if you are being good to a man who isnt good to you, dont think its all for nothing. There might be someone waiting and ready to make one man's trash his treasure. So be you and be great, you never know who is watching.
Its time to be brave and not bitter..get up dust ur self off and love again. Never let being hurt stop you from getting back up on the saddle.
I just wanted to go over bravery and bitterness because I believe it is the most crucial thing after you have left something that might have been bad or that have left you damaged. Bravery is defined as possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance. Bitterness can be defined as characterized by intense antagonism or hostility: bitter hatred. When you see those two definitions would you want to exhibit courage or hostility. Most of you would probably say be brave but in reality you will not be this way. I can say that because I too have taken that bitter road before and what I have learned is the only person it ends up hurting is me. You end up pushing away the people who truly care about you.
I have been hurt by every man who have probably entered my life from my mother down to my latest relationship and after almost 22 years I could just jump to the conclusion that I am always going to get hurt, but instead i enter each new relationship with the hope that a man is finally going to treat me the way i deserve. I am honestly tired and I am sure men are too, of women coming into relationships talking about I have been hurt before I dont know if I could trust again. Right there! at that very moment you have opened the flood gates for trust issues in something that's so new and that you know nothing about.
Its always a gamble, we can never know if that person is running game or not, the only thing we can do is us and do it at our best because in the end you know within yourself that you gave your all to make it work. Trust me ladies if you are being good to a man who isnt good to you, dont think its all for nothing. There might be someone waiting and ready to make one man's trash his treasure. So be you and be great, you never know who is watching.
Its time to be brave and not bitter..get up dust ur self off and love again. Never let being hurt stop you from getting back up on the saddle.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
A woman's worth
hey there revolutionists
I can't stop right now, its really like an addiction, everything is just flowing right. Now when you read my title what instantly comes to your mind? When I thought about this one, I thought about all the women that go through some much BS in their life that they dont even know their worth anymore and for that moment they head down a path to self destruction. I am going to describe what I think you should feel going into a relationship and then being in one.
1. I believe that a woman should have complete control over her body, mind, spirit and soul and that the only man who should have her heart is God. I believe that the man should seek God to find that woman's heart. I knw a lot of people have their belief systems but its just the context of the situation. Before you enter a relationship you need to make sure that you have a relationship with yourself and that you are happy with you. A lot of women don't give themselves enough time and they jump into relationships they are not ready for. Another mistake women make is that they are always looking for someone to save or mend their broken heart. Sweety you do not need a man to put you back together, all you need is will and faith in God and those two weapons can combat anything.
2. When you are in a relationship I think there are 5 or more guidelines that will let you know if you are being respected enough to matter and have a say in the relationship.
I can't stop right now, its really like an addiction, everything is just flowing right. Now when you read my title what instantly comes to your mind? When I thought about this one, I thought about all the women that go through some much BS in their life that they dont even know their worth anymore and for that moment they head down a path to self destruction. I am going to describe what I think you should feel going into a relationship and then being in one.
1. I believe that a woman should have complete control over her body, mind, spirit and soul and that the only man who should have her heart is God. I believe that the man should seek God to find that woman's heart. I knw a lot of people have their belief systems but its just the context of the situation. Before you enter a relationship you need to make sure that you have a relationship with yourself and that you are happy with you. A lot of women don't give themselves enough time and they jump into relationships they are not ready for. Another mistake women make is that they are always looking for someone to save or mend their broken heart. Sweety you do not need a man to put you back together, all you need is will and faith in God and those two weapons can combat anything.
2. When you are in a relationship I think there are 5 or more guidelines that will let you know if you are being respected enough to matter and have a say in the relationship.
- - He treats you as an equal, how many times i hear women say how they feel like they are giving 60 and he 40 or they give more, but you get the point. Let me tell you something if you feel like you are giving .5% more that him, something needs to change or its time to decide other options.
- - He has taken you to meet his family. Alot of people dont understand the importance of this but it shows that he is proud of you and he wants his family to understand how important you are to him.
- -Compromise. I see so many relationships go down hill because someone doesnt want to compromise, a good relationship requires this and sacrifice among other things.
- -He listens. communication is the important thing in a relationship. If he doesnt remember simple things or ignores you for insignificant things, then there is a problem.
- He is caught up. There is nothing worse than a man who doesnt have his business together, just caught up on the wrong things.
For the past two years I had a hard time knowing my real worth because I had a man who brought it down every step of the way. He broke my spirit, soul, heart and body, I had to be completely put back together again, I am actually still on the mend. Me and God are working on getting rid of this heart-break cancer. It made me resentful and for a brief period really bitter. I talked to my friends, counselors, my mother but the person who truly made me realize what I was worth is GOD. I spoke to him, i prayed to him and I read his word and I knew within myself that I was not meant to endure those things. I was too strong and I knew God had put me on this earth for a greater purpose.
So ladies its real simple, sit for a second evaluate your situation, think about how God created you in his image and know that you always deserve the best, what else do we think of when we think of God (the best, the greatest, the almighty)
chillin on venus lost on mars
I thought all I had was one post in me today, but I really feel like putting some stuff out there. Now the title chillin on venus , im sure everyone has heard of that phrase men are from mars women are from venus. So at this point im chilling and im comfortable being a woman but I am completely lost when it comes to men.
Let me tell you the biggest mistake women make today, they go and read all those little self help books, written by other women that try and describe how and why men do things. Do you see the mistake here? How can a "woman" describe what a man does unless she was a he and had a sex change. Let me tell you something and this probably is the best advice i can give. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT try to figure out why they do the things they do.
Let them be because if you have a good man who is good to you then you wont need to find out why he is doing certain things cuz he is doing them right. If you have a bad man and you are trying to find out why he is the way he is then you should LEAVE, why the hell would you want a man thats bad to you...Think about that for a second.
So revolutionist lets take this journey on Venus and not worry so much about what is going on in mars...You will only end up with an earth size headache..TRUST ME I have been there before.
Until next time...be careful who you love and who you let love you because some people were born to destruct.
Let me tell you the biggest mistake women make today, they go and read all those little self help books, written by other women that try and describe how and why men do things. Do you see the mistake here? How can a "woman" describe what a man does unless she was a he and had a sex change. Let me tell you something and this probably is the best advice i can give. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT try to figure out why they do the things they do.
Let them be because if you have a good man who is good to you then you wont need to find out why he is doing certain things cuz he is doing them right. If you have a bad man and you are trying to find out why he is the way he is then you should LEAVE, why the hell would you want a man thats bad to you...Think about that for a second.
So revolutionist lets take this journey on Venus and not worry so much about what is going on in mars...You will only end up with an earth size headache..TRUST ME I have been there before.
Until next time...be careful who you love and who you let love you because some people were born to destruct.
In the beginning
Hey Guys,
This is like the first time I have ever written on one of these things and I think it is way past due. Well I am just going to get to the point. Everyone of my boyfriends have cheated on me or lied to me or have broken my heart in some way. I could let all that make me bitter but I still believe in true love. I believe in love that embodies both people and make them whole. Well the point of all this is to reach out to the broken hearts of the world and start a revolution. I know it might sound a little corny but I want to start a "Broken-Hearts Revolution, changing the way women act and react when they have had their heart broken. I want to make it a life mission to help one woman at a time if I have to starting with myself. Its going to be a long journey and I would love if everyone out there can come along for the ride. I am all about self expression and realness and you will not meet anyone else in the world like me. So lets start this journey, this revolution, this life changing experience.
This is like the first time I have ever written on one of these things and I think it is way past due. Well I am just going to get to the point. Everyone of my boyfriends have cheated on me or lied to me or have broken my heart in some way. I could let all that make me bitter but I still believe in true love. I believe in love that embodies both people and make them whole. Well the point of all this is to reach out to the broken hearts of the world and start a revolution. I know it might sound a little corny but I want to start a "Broken-Hearts Revolution, changing the way women act and react when they have had their heart broken. I want to make it a life mission to help one woman at a time if I have to starting with myself. Its going to be a long journey and I would love if everyone out there can come along for the ride. I am all about self expression and realness and you will not meet anyone else in the world like me. So lets start this journey, this revolution, this life changing experience.
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