Fading

Hey Revolutionists,
I'm back and with some sad news. At 3:30am my father passed away. I don't know how to feel about it, there are a million and one emotions running through me right now. First I was overwhelmed with sadness, I cried..Then I was angry, I was mad because he left to soon...Then there was the guilt, guilt of hating him and being mad at him for so long. Now I feel a little empty like something was lost that can never be found.

I have written about my Father a few times and all the times have been about him never being there and the broken promises and how basically all my mistrust in men has stemmed from him. Then there is the unanswered questions, all the things I wish I could a chance to ask but can never do it now that he is gone.

How do you feel when your father dies? Does it matter in the end that you never worked things out? Do you ever get closure? Will your heart completely heal?

I don't know why but the minute I found out, I felt a wall close around my heart and led me into a feeling of nothingness.

How will I ever know?
My heart is fading.....

When my faith was shaken HE showed me the way

Hey Revolutionists!
Life has been challenging lately, a lot of bad things going on at once, I always say its like living in a perfect storm. As a result of this my faith had been a little shaky. I had all these questions but no answers. I kept wondering why and I kept looking for signs to show me if there really was a GOD.

Then something happened yesterday that made me do some serious soul searching and I something powerful made me realize how good GOD is. I lost my purse yesterday on the campus shuttle and it literally had everything in it; my passport, social security card, bank cards, insurance card...basically my whole life was in there. So as I went on a quest to retrace my steps a million and one things went on through my mind. I just prayed and prayed for God to guide and look over my purse and make sure that it was safe and that no one had taken it and used what was in it for their benefit. You know what I found my purse just where I left it, it was just there sitting and waiting for me to come back and find it.

BUT!...what was so crazy was that during the time all this was going on I called a few people and some didn't answer, and some didn't offer help but one of them did as much as they could do. It made me thin about a lot of things.

BUT! here is how I see it, my lost purse represented something deeper, my heart...its been lost for a min waiting for me to come and find it. I have reached out to ppl but they just ha vent been able to help me the way that I need it. Finally God has been keeping it safe and sound waiting for me to come back and find it. It is through him I will be totally fulfilled. It is him who I looked to for help to find my purse and he lead me to it where it was sitting there waiting safe and sound for me to come back to it.


"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."
— Maya Angelou

"Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me."
— Maya Angelou

So continue to follow me on this journey to self discovery and happiness...
love u guys

Can't do it alone

Hey Revolutionists,
Everyday I am faced with challenges and for so long I have been in a dark place and recently I visited a place I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. This post is something that is extremely hard to write but necessary. I see the self worth and respect of the women of our generation deteriorating at a very fast pace.

You know what is so crazy, the minute you start to speak out on your own, you are quickly labeled as some bitter female and marked with the infamous "that's why you are single". Is this true? Have men become the ruler of everything we use to believe in?

Love isn't the same anymore, it is not the same love that use to be shared 50years ago. Something happened and something that puts a fear in me so great that I don't ever think I can allow myself to completely fall in love with someone again.

We give men too much power, if we decide to talk to a man who has a girl, or wife or significant other, when only one party leaves do you think that it will effect him at all? No! because he still and will always have a plan B.

That is where we go wrong as women, we allow them to constantly have plan Bs and Cs and all the way to Zs. He is not going to be phased because we go about it wrong, we get mad at the other woman and we make it into a competition. We think well I am going to keep holding on because one day he is going to realize i been holding him down this long and he is going to come around. Then we also think I am going to stick around and eventually the other woman will grow tired and leave and then you wake up 2-3 years later and she is still there and you have already invested too much time, money, love and energy into something built on nothing.

Why keep gambling your faith, happiness, self worth and everything a woman stands for because we think we cant live without a man? I know love is powerful and that fear that you wont be able to move on consumes you but you need to know you deserve better. I realized it a little too late and I have lost way more than I invested!

You have to make decision to which pain you are going to take because trust me there is going to be pain no matter what, I call it my double edge sword. You have to decide if you are going to leave now and take the pain that comes with moving on from something so damaging or the pain of staying and knowing that you are not getting treat right and knowing the longer you stay the worse it is going to be.

You also have to realize that what is written by God cannot be stopped or changed by man, it can be deterred but never destroyed. I have been called pathetic, desperate, every derogatory word than can be thought of. I have been told to kill myself, I have had girls try to ruin my scholarship, anything you can think of it has happened to me. But through it all the most important thing I have realized to be true to myself and always keep my faith in God. Because if these things happened to me because I was guilty of loving a man, there is nothing I would change about my decisions I had made to stay initially. But I have realized that in order for me to live a more positive lifestyle, I need to get rid of the negative factors.

So continue to walk with me on this journey to self discovery and always remember when the praising go up the blessings come down. I love everyone who supports me because I CANNOT DO IT ALONE!

A Father's Promise

Hey Revolutionists,
I just watched one of my favorite shows on ABC: Modern Family and there was a scene where the father was hugging the daughter after she had broken up with her first real boyfriend and he told her that everything was going to be OK. That triggered something inside me just now because I realized that has never happened to me.

So many times i wished i could call my father after i had a heart break or just needed his strong arms to embrace me and tell me everything was going to be OK. so many times i just wished that he could love me and take care of me the way a father should. so many times i just wished i could be able to say that i have a father and that i loved him more than anything.

When I was younger he promised me a lot of things, he promised to love me and take care of me. But he broke those promises and left me from that point on broken. I just wish he could hug me right now and tell me everything is going to be OK and that he could protect me and want to be here for me.

So what is a girl to do when those big loving arms are now memories of something that never existed. Whose chest can i cry into now that i have had my heart broken again. I just wish that he had kept is promise because now my teardrops just fall.

I miss who he never was.

So on this day i continue on my journey, i continue on this path to discover the deep rooted issues that i have so that one day i can overcome them and finally move on to become happy.

Where have all the positive role models gone?

Hey Revolutionists!
I am trying to remain consistent with my contact. Now my topic today is something I have been struggling with for quite some time now. It is like our generation doesn't have many positive role models to look up to.

I go to the Internet and I see the Kat stacks, and the amber roses and all these other video vixens and then I see young girls striving to be like them. They believe that to be rich and successful all you have to do is take to the stripper poles and pose naked and a baller will come running your way.

Well the Kat stacks and amber roses of our generation don't display all the negative consequences that comes along with using your body to get to the top! They do not tell you what it does to your self image, that you will never be able to get a lasting good man or the most dangerous part that being so promiscuous can lead to contracting STDs.

I think that its time for someone to step up and let the young women of the future know that education and hard work are the fore runners of becoming truly successful. There is nothing like waking up one day and knowing that everything you accomplished was because of you and you alone.

Its time to get our generation back so I want you guys to continue on this journey with me to self discovery and the road to ultimate happiness and success.

Living in a perfect storm

Hey Revolutionist!
I feel a million and one emotions running through me at this moment because of what I just read. I really should check up on my blog more often. It is like no matter how hard I try to over come these obstacles there are always self loathing people waiting at a moments notice to try and bring you down.

I created this blog because I feel most free when I am writing. It is a way that I can truly express myself and it is a way that I can in turn help other women who may be going through similar situations and let them know that they are not alone. While I have gotten a lot of positive feedback on this blog and through facebook and text messages there has been some negativity. People writing anonymously just baffles me. This is my place of Zen this is me and I said before even if they hate me I'm real.

When I write it is not with the intention of trashing anyone or bringing them down because if that was the case I would use names. It is not about him or her or anyone else, this is about me, my journey to self discovery...why are people turning this into some Jerry springer bashing site? i don't get it.

Now that is over with it is the last time i will be addressing the situation. Not everyone in this world is going to agree with what you say and accept you for who you are.

Now revolutionists individuality is key, don't be sucked into the drama or allow yourself to bring someone down because of your own issues or because of your own insecurities. The title ties into everything that that I just wrote and everything that is going on.

A perfect storm can be described as a combination of events which are not individually dangerous, but occurring together produce a disastrous outcome.

I want young women out there who may be faced with bullying to know that as long as you have your faith nothing else matters. There may be a lot of things going wrong at one time but you should always know there is a way out and know that there is always sunshine after the storm. I have two BIBLE verses that I want you guys to read and just know that when darkness falls, light comes shortly after.

Romans 12:17-19
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord.

Matthew 5:44-46 -
"But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same?

So lets continue on this journey to self discovery and lets love and pray for our enemies along the way because they will be our biggest test of faith. I love you guys and I appreciate everyone who reads and show me love.

Trigger Words

Hey Revolutionists,
Topic for the day is trigger words, do you have one, do you even know what it means. Well what I am talking about is that one word that brings you back to reality when you find yourself doing the same things that you know is bad for you.

Well I have been reading books, I have been observing my male friends and one thing that I notice is, what comes first for them and what follows. That is their career, status and money. Think about it, do you have athlete friends, or club promoter friends or entertainers or educators as friends? What is the one thing you notice them always talking about, making it right?

DO YOU EVER HEAR THEM STRESSING ABOUT GIRLS, NOT BEING ABLE TO PRACTICE BECAUSE OF A GIRL OR NOT BEING ABLE TO DO THEIR SCHOOL WORK OVER A GIRL..NO RIGHT?

So as strong beautiful women why do we limit ourselves to doing that, why is is that we would drop everything move cross country and let our faith be determined by a man.

Its time to stop all this you need to find a trigger word, mine is priorities! Whenever I am getting stressed out over him not calling back and I am thinking too much about it, I say priorities to myself and right now i know deep inside what that word means to me.

I am not going to be one of those 30something women talking about I'm all about my career and money but just how easy it is for a man to say get the career and money and the women will come..I feel I can do the same thing.

Its not even saying completely forget about men and say they aren't shit but just really put everything into perspective, know what you need to do to become successful, create that trigger word and get to it.

I am telling you at the end of the day that man is going to move where he needs to move, do whatever it takes for him to make it and he is not going to let a woman get in the way.

"If i have to lie to her and tell her i love her so that she can help with my school work and help me graduate, I am going to do it as long as it takes."

Read that sentence and know that some men will do whatever they have to to make it...

find your trigger word, define what it means to you and the next time you see yourself straying from your destined path, USE IT, SAY IT TO YOURSELF, SAY IT OUT LOUD, WRITE IT DOWN BUT USE IT!

join me on this journey to self discovery, healing one broken heart at a time.
Romans 8:28

Cross Roads

Hey Revolutionists,
Its been forever and I feel just horrible about it. I dont want to sound like some broken record out here but when is enough really enough....i just finally realized why I have not been able to start my book...deep down I know I can't write about over coming the hardest things in my life if I'm actually still struggling with this constant obstacle called love...i think when your soul becomes involved it gets a little more complicated...and yes I said soul...thats how deep the connection has become.

Its so deep rooted that I find myself acting out of character and doing and saying things that are absolutely absurd when I think this love is about to be compromised....

I never really believed in dangerous love..the kind where life will make no sense if we were to even think the other person might not be there...its also the most unhealthy thing because its too destructive.

So I'm at a crossroads do I stay with the person who is the love of my life..the person connected to my soul..but he just not doing the things he should...or should I get out now and work on the repairing process knowing that any love after this will always come in second place....

I did write the first sentence in thee first chapter of my book...i think it was beyond powerful because it has taken me so long to do that....
My faith in God is stronger than ever and I live by Romans 8:28 ..it is the most powerful scripture I have ever read..i strongly believe God can get me.through this I dont question him...
Join me on this journey..the only thing I have with me is my faith in God to lead the way.

A woman always knows..no matter what he says....

Hey Revolutionists:
It has been forever and each time I apologize for the neglect. I have been going through so much lately, I couldn't even express through my words how I was feeling.

The topic I am writing on may hit close to home for a lot of women out there. We all have thing thing inside us that lets us know when something is going wrong or when something isn't quite right. Some call it intuition.

Let me tell you something, it does not matter what a man tells you, how good of a liar he is, you alwaysssssssss know when something isnt what it seems.

I am really writing this post because the other day I received an email from my dude telling me he didn't want to have any ties with me. It was crazy because we were on a little break and for a split second I thought we were done. Then i thought about it, he would never send me and email and i know the way he uses his words and he would never talk like that.

This girl had hacked his email and sent it to me. I think if you have to do all of that to try and get someone from talking to "your man" the battle has already been lost. NO man wants a girl going through his phone, email etc. that just crosses so many boundaries and lines and invades his personal space more than anything.

Next I had this girl's friend request me on my private twitter account. AGAIN ladies if you have to go through this much trouble to find out information, if she has this much suspicion about her man then that little thing called intuition should have kicked in 100 fold.

I am not saying my relationship is conventional or that the situation is right BUT i am saying, men will say what they want to get what they want as long as you give it to them. The longer you stay the harder it is to get out. There is always one woman who is willing to fight harder and longer because she is not interested in winning battles she is more concerned about winning the war.

Its good to want to believe your man, but do not go as far as to let denial and love blind you from what is truly right.

A broken heart reminds me of the flu!!!

Hey Revolutionists,

Whats up I know that it has been a while but I have been on vacation and what better way to do it than the best Caribbean country in the world....my home...THE BAHAMAS. Well that is still no excuse to not keep you guys updated!! Forgive me Revolution-hearts.

Well here we go on this topic, how did I get to it you ask? well I have been under the weather for a few days and it led me to something.

Now stay with me...
when you are sick, you feel horrible, you feel like its never going to be over and that you are never going to be over it. You just sit there in bed with your eyes watering and your body in pain. You know that there is light at the end of the tunnel but you def cant see it because of your puffed up eyes. You try all these remedies and medicines that everyone tells you will surely help..BUT then time passes by and you wake up one day and you feel better than ever and over time you cant really remember how it felt when you were sick in bed.

NOW HERE IS THE IMPORTANT PART....A BROKEN HEART
When it happens or is happening, you are probably in the most pain ever, your eyes are watering because you are crying probably every chance you get. You cant really see the light at the end of the tunnel and EVERYONE has some type of advice(cure) for your broken heart. BUT just like that flu you are going to wake up one day and you are going to feel much much better. AND you are not going to be in any pain, you are not really going to remember the actual pain BUT you will remember how you were in that situation.

I have learned a lot from being hurt over the years and I want you to know that it gets better. Set your standards to your worth and know that just like the flu you can get heart broken again. But next time you will know how to handle it and you may even be able to prevent the heart break if you see certain symptoms and signs start to appear.

Continue to join me on this journey, I am now working on my manuscript for "Nothing is Sacred..Confessions of an Island girl"
My revolution will change the world..Love you guys

Doing the same thing, expecting different results...insanity

Hey Revolutionists,
It has been a hard day for me and no matter how I try to dodge the truth it keeps slapping me right in the face. I just read a comment from the last post that I made and it made me feel some type of way. The words stung like alcohol being poured on an open wound. Point blank, shit hurts when people tell me what I need to hear but don't really want to hear.

Let me get started on this topic, I am in this situation right and I keep trying to use the same tactics thinking that it is going to result in some type of change. I try to use the old I am leaving you and cutting you off, which at this point of 100+ times carries no more weight. Or i try to use the good old give him a cry but instead it only makes me look even more weak. Or finally I try to do the old hit up the girl and reason it out with her when really she probably wants to kill me and have nothing to do with me.

I am sure that many of you has tried either one of those so called tactics or all three and I am sure you have come to realize that it changes nothing and in the end you feel like you are going crazy.

If you are in a relationship and whenever you have any form of communication with this person you feel like they are driving you crazy or you are alwayyyyys paranoid or you just completely lose yourself its time to consider other options. I know that I am in this situation but I ignored a lot of red flags in the beginning.

I just want women to know that there are warning signs and we do have that female intuition that lets us know something isn't right. I DEF had it in the beginning and I ignored it and it cost me in the end. I am just here trying to prevent something that can cost a lot of women pain they do not need to endure.
I love you guys and I guess some of youll using tough love with me.

Join me on this journey to self discovery...

when enough is enough...we still want more

Hey Revolutionists,
I'm getting sloppy and kind of lazy, how am i suppose to complete a journey if i keep making all these pit stops and detours. ANYWAY its been kinda iffy with the writing because I've just been going through so much.

What inspired the topic?...my coworkers today, I told them about my situation and they put me ON BLAST. I was like damn, this feeling just isn't good. Well anyway one of the main things we discussed was that enough was enough and I needed to get out of this situation. But my brain just registered that i seemed to want more of it.

We all know I am not perfect and being with someone for two years who has also been with someone else sounds like an effed up situation but I don't see how I can make anyone understand. The best way I can describe it as trying to look through a car with 100% tinted windows, you keep trying to look at whats going on inside so you just make assumptions and come to your own conclusion when the only ppl who know whats going on is the people inside the car.

That is the best possible way I could have described it, like I said I am not perfect. I could wake up tomorrow morning and decide I have had enough or it could be next year. Like I said this is a journey I only have clues about where I need to be, no map no GPS, so I am taking things one day at a time.

If you are in similar situations just know that when u have had enough and you get some more, there is going to be a point where it will be beyond your control to take anymore and you will get out of that situation. SO stick it out with me, you help me ill help you..keep reading because I'm going to keep writing until i finally know where I am going and X marks the spot.

Wanna make God laugh..tell him your plans

Hey revolutionists,
It has been a minute and I feel horrible for the lack of communication but I really have been dealing with a lot.

#1 I GOT A JOB, BEEN WORKING FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS..you'll know that was the biggest thing stressing me out.

But on to more important things, the title.
Have you ever wondered that maybe the thing you are fighting for with all your might just isn't meant to be?

Or that relationship that you cant understand why after all you do you still cant make it work?

MAYBE THAT JUST NOT IN THE PLANS GOD HAS FOR YOU!

Think about it, I know at one point or another you have probably wondered why you didn't get that job after the interview went so well or even why that coach didn't sign you when he seemed so interested.

Well you'll know me i don't hide anything so I am trying to figure out am i going to be the fool or the exception, is it even in the plans for me and "the situation" to be together. i see what his motives are, i know what he wants to accomplish but he wants me to wait. Is it really meant to be or would I have wasted two years of my life fighting a losing battle.

You know what though one of my friends told me that I need to control the controllables, I know that God has destined me to use my pain to help others. So while that situation pans out I am going to concentrate and focus on what matters...helping others and inspiring others through my words.

That's what you have to do, if you find yourself in a situation you are unsure about, gear your energy towards something you are passionate about and you wouldn't believe where that distraction will lead you!

My next move is to start working for a non profit so that I can network and create my own one day. If people all around you is doing what they need to make it..whats the hold up in your life?

Advertising

Hey revolutionists,
Once again I am back. I am trying to get exposure from anywhere because i am going to do what it takes to make it. I have been asking a lot of people to vote for me but the feedback has been minimal so I have to do whats necessary!

a sprocket found in the backseat

Social Spark

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of IZEA. All opinions are 100% mine.

Hey revolutionists,
You know I am always trying to find ways for me to make a better living and life for myself and any way that I can do that I try and make it happen.

I recently signed up for social spark and its a website that brings bloggers and advertisers together. I think its great because everyone wins in terms of exposure and making money. With the economy the way it is, advertisers and writers need to come together as one. So you know me guys you can never put me in a box, I am always trying to find new and exciting ways to make it!

SocialSpark

Code of Ethics

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Button Pushers

"Someone in your life that causes you emotional tension because of what they say or do."

Hey Revolutionists,
Today I was at church and this was the message for today, Button Pushers. I am sure all of you at some point or another have had one person push your button to the point where you feel like you are about to explode.

But today the message was pretty clear, God puts these people up to the task of pushing your buttons so that you can fix something that is going on internally. Like always I have always had this happen to me but I never put it together that God was trying to fix something within.

Well I have this one button pusher and he has the habit of getting real comfortable whenever we are together. He thinks its OK to not answer calls, answer when he wants and try to make his life more important than mine. I kept trying to figure out what it was about him that got me worked up so much, why did he push my buttons so much i just felt like screaming.

Well my emotional internal problem for a long time has been trust and patience. I get so worked up when he is doing all these things because I have no trust in him and I get short of patience whenever he takes too long.

What can I do about this then?
LEARN to trust..well since I cant know what he is doing every second of the day I am forced to accept that I have to start trusting again. Since I cant be answered when I want I want, I have to be patient enough to wait for a response.

HOW WILL THIS HELP IN THE LONG RUN?
I learn that patience is a virtue and I learn that the only way to ever have a healthy and happy relationship is to trust again.

WHAT IS YOUR INTERNAL DOWN FALL? HOW CAN YOU OVERCOME THIS?

Take a second and evaluate what is going on with you so that when people push your buttons you will be strong enough to overcome anything they throw at you.

love u guyz!
Reading for the day 2KINGS 5:1-19

Satan shakes up our lives, God Sustains us, then uses us to strengthen others

Hey Revolutionists,
Everytime I write you guys i feel as if I am at a cross roads. I keep trying to figure if taking this road is what I deserve even if it might pay off in the end.

You ever just sit down and wonder why some things are happening to you. Why you cant have a great relationship when people all around you are? Why you cant find that job and people around you found one? Why you cant seem to be happy and happiness is all around you?

Well I was at church today and I listened to a very powerful message and it brought some serious understanding to something I have been confused about for a long time. One time I heard Oprah say that someone asked her why she didnt have any children and she responded with something like, thats why she built the school in Africa, all of those girls were her children. Back then I didn't complete understand what she meant but after today I understand everything.

The message today said that God is going to use you in the very area that you failed in. You are probable wonderiing where I am going with this. Well all my life I havent had a good relationship when it comes to men and people are probably wondering how can I give advice on having one then. See the thing is, I know what not to do and what not to take and what you dont deserve. I want to be the Oprah to all the broken hearts and battered women out there. I want to be the one that shares what I have been through so women can learn from it.

"One day God is going to use you to help you with someone going down the same path."
You dont have to believe me when I say that this is my purpose, but I believe in God that it is. He is giving me the strength to reach out to all the young and old women out there to let you know that we are going to make it.

Don't lower your standards and settle for something less than the best. You dont think that the right man is out there for you? Well I believe it enough for the both of us. Trust me there is no perfect man but there is someone perfect for you.

Stop putting up with second best because if he truly loved you and cared about you there would be no room for error.

Do you want to know what the probelm is with our generation? Love is being based on superficial and materialistic needs. How dare you think that your relationship or marriage is going to be strong when the foundation you have built it on is so weak.

Believe ME when I say this, I have NEVER had a good relationship but I am here to let you know what you do deserve, what you should not do, and when exactly its that time to leave.

Join me on this revolution, healing one broken heart at a time.
Reading for the day Luke 22:31-32

Angry Black Women

Hey Revolutionists,
I am writing on this topic because I am tired of seeing it and hearing about it everywhere I go. I use to always be the one defending black women, talking about how we are not angry just fed up but I have come to the conclusion that something else is going on.

I went apartment shopping and just about all the black women that showed me apartments had this angry frustrated look like someone had been abusing them all day. The other day I went to this diner and the service was horrible, the "black woman" there had all this attitude for no apparent reason.

I think that's the reason I wanted to start this revolution because believe it or not that stigma is hanging over our heads and it needs to stop.

WHAT R U ANGRY FOR?
DO you not understand that having a sulky, angry attitude affects everything from getting jobs to having good relationships. No one wants to be around negativity, its something that disgusts people.

What I am trying to say is we cant let something so simple have such a huge impact on our lives. I am tired of people talking about black women are so angry what is wrong with them, you can never please a black woman, black women this and that. That is why every woman not just black needs to try on this new thing, its called happiness.

Lets change the world and spread positivity, there is no reason a whole gender should be categorized under something so negative. I love you guys lets me this happen.

I'm trying this new look...its called happiness

Hey Revolutionists,
I know you see the title and you probably are wondering whats been going on for me to feel that way. Well #1 I finally got a job after 100s and 100s of applications and let downs. I finally feel like my life it taking off in the right direction and I can see which way I am suppose to go.

The other day I went to church and I think it was the best service I have ever been to. I felt like the pastor was speaking directly to me, I felt he knew what was conflicting my heart.

How many of you at least once a day or week or month think that you are the only one going through problems or that you have it worse than everyone...ok are you done thinking? Well that was me allllll the time, I always thought that I was the only one going through things and I alwayssss questioned God.

But the pastor made me realize something I already knew, it takes bad things happening for you to appreciate the good. He compared life to a car battery..what does it take to give the battery power, NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE working together. If there are two positives the battery will not work. Apply that to your life, if everything is going good for you all the time, you basically have no real power in life.

Another point I wanted to make is that if you guys ever found yourself in a situation that you keep getting in that may not seem good to everyone else just remember one thing and you can quote me on this. YOU CAN indeed go back but if you do one last time go back different than before, do not lose yourself and who you truly are.

The difference in me is that I am trying to do whats best for me, I have a new job and I am focusing on that, everything else comes secondary.

Romans 8:28 ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO LOVE GOOD

just remember that all things happen for a reason and always try to see the positive in a bad situation, everything happens for a reason and you never meet people by chance, its what is meant to be.

So continue to join me on this journey to self discovery, mending one broken heart at a time.

Scripture for the day Romans 8:28-30

when times get hard, what can u count on to get through?

Hey Revolutionists,
I know its been a minute but it has been really crazy the last week and a half. On a good note though I officially graduated, the experience has been overwhelming and exciting and I am glad to get that part of my life over with.

Why the title then?
Have you ever had something so bad happen that you have no control over and you continuously want a better outcome, but you are always the one who gets screwed in the end?

Have you ever had the same thing happen to you over and over again and you just wonder why things can't work out in your favor just ONE time, So that you can know what it feels like to be happy?

But you know what, even though it has never worked out, I am going to keep trying and moving until it does. I believe in real love. I believe that one day I am going to find that person who makes me feel like I'm floating on air. I can feel that feeling and I know its real, I know its out there.

So if you feeling the same way as me, just know its going to be OK, we are going to get to the other side together. I don't have much to say but this is kind of how I am feeling, I can neglect you'll now, everyone who been with me from the beginning.

I love you guys, keep reading and lets get on this journey to self discovery.
Song of the day: Keyshia Cole- Let it go

Time to Clean House

Hey Revolutionists,
I am sure you have had one of those days where you just lay down with your eyes close and you just evaluate all the people, things and circumstances that are going on in your life in the moment.

Sometimes you get to thinking about all these things because you might be under an insane amount of pressure and it is forcing you to think about everything. Or something tragic or drastic might have changed your life course and it really makes you think about your surroundings.

Well everything I have described just now is happening to me at this moment. I layed in bed for hours today and I just thought about everything, the decisions I had made, the people that are around me and the things that I am going through.

THE DECISIONS
I know there are a lot of times people regret things they have done or sit down and dwell about something they could have done differently. I do it all the time, is it the right thing to do? Maybe not but sometimes you need to think about things that you have done so you can know what to do in the future. I made a lot of dumb mistakes but it has made me into the person I am today. I cant beat myself up thinking well maybe I should have left or I should have gone to another school. I should have....No it doesn't matter. No time to think of should haves and could haves. Only time to learn and move on.

THE PEOPLE
Lately I have been evaluating the people around me. Those who want to help me and see me succeed and those who just want to make small talk and tell me that they are going to "pray for me". I have nothing against prayers but I know when someone is really trying to help and when they are just standing around waiting for my downfall. Maybe that's just my own problem, I always want to see the good in people. I have this sick notion that I can save the world. WHO TOLD ME THAT WAS OK? WHO SAID THAT I COULD MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE? WHO TOLD ME I COULD BE THE VOICE? Look at the people who are closest to you and watch how they treat and talk about other people when you are around them...Are you sure that they are not doing the same to you.

That is why I keep my circle extremely small, I trust all but 3 other people in this world and I love it that way because at the end of the day I know that they are going to be behind me 200%.

That's just life you know. If you haven't done this already, lay down one day, close your eyes, relax your mind, add God into the equation and evaluate everything around you. Then make decisions about who you let in your house The whole process is called "cleaning your house". You are getting rid of all the negative dirt so that you can have a positive aroma.

So guys join me on this revolution to self discovery, spread the word. I love you guys!

INSPIRATIONAL SONG: "IT WASNT EASY BUT IT WAS WORTH IT" listen to this song after you read this post

For real...this time

Hey revolutionists,
I was having one of those thinking moments. Have you ever been in a situation where you kept going back and back again, after always saying this time is the last time?

How do you know for sure that it is the right time. Sometime really tragic happens and you could never see yourself with that person again. Or something amazing happens, you realize your self worth and know that you can do much much better and that you deserve much better.

I personally know girls who are openly ok with sharing a man, each of them continue to fight over him and post pictures of him on their pages, but at the end of the day they have to realize that we were never meant to share that way. Trust me if its anyone who knows how they feel its me. Its like you think you cant live, cant breathe, cant exist without that person. But if he truly loves any of them he would never make them less of a woman for him to seem like more of a man.

If these two girls were to read my blog I would say point blank it hurts when you finally leave. If feels like part of you is missing and you cant seem to find it. But part of you is missing, that weak and vulnerable woman who kept going back she has been destroyed because the strong powerful woman took her down.

It hurts everyday but everyday it hurts a little less. Its going to take time and the longer you stay in a toxic situation, the longer it is going to take to recover from it.

Never let any of these men turn you into something you are not, be strong and fight because if you settle and allow this, more women to come will suffer because its going to start to become the norm. Get up and leave I am telling you at the end of the day when your vision isnt clouded you will see what I mean.

SO join me on this journey to self-discovery and self-love. We can change things with this revolution!

When life hands you crap, Get a poop bag

Hey Revolutionists,
I am sure you have had one of those days when you just go, "life cant get any worse than this". But at that moment what exactly is going through your head, do you think about giving up? do you think about dusting yourself off and trying again? Do you think positive or negative?

Before I started this journey, I use to be an extreme pessimist. I always thought the worse of things, I always looked at the glass as half empty instead of half full. I think that's the problem with a lot of people these days, when faced with an unlikely circumstance we run for the hills.

A lot of times people get on me because of the type of person that I am. In my last relationship, he didn't like the fact that I expressed what was going on through my writing. He didn't look at it that I was trying to do something big, that my ultimate goal was to help women in situations like mine. He did not support me, he wanted me to change.

DO you think that people can change?
I heard something the other day and I believe in it. "People don't change, they modify, they adjust but they will always remain who they are deep inside.

The point I am trying to make is, don't change who you are because the other person isn't man or woman enough to handle all that you have to give. I am aggressive in nature because my past has shaped me into that individual. The only way I can change is if I can change my past and the last time I checked no one was able to travel back in time.

SO the next time LIFE, or PEOPLE or CIRCUMSTANCES hand you crap, be true to yourself and never let anyone morph you into what they want you to be.

Everyday is a struggle as I take this journey to self discovery. I have slip ups but instead of falling into old and bad patterns, I logically think about the consequences of my actions and I clean up and move on to another day.

Join me on this journey guys, it only takes a little to make a big difference. Lets make women, hearts, love and this world a much better place.

Don't lose yourself in the moment, a Vulnerable woman can be dangerous

Hey Revolutionists,
I am having one of those days, I knew this journey wasn't going to be easy, I think that's why I waited so long to start it. Its like I have a million and one things going on inside my head but its like I cant really say exactly how I feel. My writing is always like that extra boost when I am dying at the end of a race.

Don't you have those moments where its like you just don't know what to do because so many different things are going wrong at the same time?

The biggest mistake I use to make when I was in situations like this was go back to something that was bad for me because I was feeling vulnerable you know, just always going back to something because its familiar.

So I'm here writing you guys because I want to go back to that familiarity but its not good for me and I know I would feel better in the moment but then reality would set in and i will realize how big of a mistake it is.

I want to be inspirational you know, I want to be able to say that I left something that was hard to leave. I want to be able to tell women that it is going to be OK, and honestly I know it is BUT you cant get caught up in the moment when things are not going right. Starting over is harder that I could ever imagine. The whole idea of being on your own is scary.... Who even made it that way?

Weren't we born alone, aren't we going to die alone? SO what is all this fuss about being alone, who ever said it was a bad thing? I think that if you think being a lone is the worse thing ever then you are not ready at all to be with someone. STOP thinking that you need someone to complete you, come to the realization that you need someone to compliment you and be there for you.

I am on this journey to self discovery, it hurts but I'm an athlete I know how to run through the pain. We can honestly start a revolution together if you believe in what I am trying to do.

No one is perfect but try a relationship with yourself, be your number one and i guarantee that happiness will be like a magnet to you.

I LOVE U GUYS lets change the world

A Mother's Love

Hey Revolutionists,
I know all of you know that mother's day is coming up but this post is extra extra special. Today is my mother's birthday and I just had to dedicate this to her.
I know that everyone wants to believe that they have the best mother in the world but I think because of the child that I am, I have the best, strongest and most patient mother in the world.

My mother has been through a lot, she has had things thrown at her every step of the way but to this day she still remains humble because she has faith in God that things will always work out. My mother is so much better than I when it comes to forgiveness,not everyone is perfect and each of us at one time or another has made a mistake. But I look up to my mother and I envy her in a way because even when people try to bring her down or bad mouth her, she never speaks ill about them, all she says is that's God's breath and she continues to speak to them over everything. I talk to my mother almost everyday and I hear about her day to day life and a lot of things that happen, I just know that I wouldn't be able to handle the situation as good as her.

My mother is one of those people that genuinely cares about the youth and helping others and the crazy thing is she doesn't have to do it ,I am her only child and I am done with college, she could just sit around and relax all day. But she is out there just about everyday hustling and getting things done. A lot of times she isn't recognized or appreciated but she doesn't look for that, she just wants the Bahamas to be a better place.

I love you,
because you have been there for me no matter what
I envy you,
Because they try to bring you down but you keep your head up high
I care for you,
because we are suppose to cherish the people we love
I pray for you,
because I thank God from sending you from above
I idolize you,
because you are super human
Ill take care of you,
because you deserve all the riches and treasures that this world have to offer

There is nothing stronger than a mother's love and there is no one in the world I would rather have for a mother, for a friend. No one I would rather have in my life.

So guys this week learn to appreciate your mothers even more, you can never say I love you too much when it comes to mommies.

I cried

Hey revolutionists,
I know that my entries are kind of long but they are very meaningful, I said that I wanted you guys to join me on this journey so that means I should share everything I am going through. Getting over someone you love is very hard and some days you are going to have bad moments, when the only thing you want to do is curl up into a ball and eat ice cream. I just want to share a little something with you guys. Some of you might have felt this way one time or the other and this is to let you know that better days will come.

Today I cried,
just like everyday for the past two weeks
I cried,
because I still love you
and getting over you is not going to be easy
Baby I cried,
Because I will not be able to hear your voice
I cried,
Because I loved you too much and too hard,
I cried,
Because you didn't fight for us
I cried,
Because you didn't love me enough to make it work
Today I just cried,
Because there is nothing I can do to make us right
Ill cry,
until this pain is over
even if it means crying everyday and every night

That was just something expressing how i felt the other day. People handle pain in different ways but I feel like it should be expressed in some way. I shared that today because today is a good day and it made me realize that the sun does shine after the storm.

Join me on this journey to self discovery, I want you guys there every step of the way. I truly want to be happy and I believe this is the best way.

Through Thick & Thin

Hey revolutionists,
I believe that you should have friends that will stick with you through thick and thin. These past few months have really made me realize who are the most important people in my life. If you were to get into a problematic situation, is there one person who you know that you could call on no matter what?

Flashback:
In high school I would alwayyyyssss have girls that would just dislike me for no reason. But if you have been reading my previous posts you would know why I would have a hard time with letting people in. I would always have girls who would say they dont like me because of my attitude, or they dont like me because I think im the shit, it was crazy the things they would say. I am just the type of person that would do anything not to fit in. You can never put me in a box, and I love being that way. The problem is, a lot of people dont understand that and instead of getting to know me they automatically judge me because I think its just easier for people to be that way. But thats ok because then I know that the people who actually try to get to know me genuinely want to be my friend. Even if it is one person, I am completely happy with that.

When I got to college it got worse. I lost a lot of friends and potential friends because of "the situation" ( I think everyone by now knows what the situation is). If this is the first time reading my blog, the sitaution is something I was caught up in for just about two years with a man that I loved involving another female.I think because I didnt have that outgoing personality, a lot of people chose sides before they even knew the complete story. Their was his side, her side and my side and everyone just chose to to be against me. Even my own friends would judge me and look and me different. It was hard feeling like the whole world was against me. But I had some true friends that stuck by me through it all. Even though they didnt approve they let me make my own decision and mistakes and they didnt shun me because of it. So many times the girls who I would hang with I would hear things about them and see things they would do but I never once stop being cool with them because of it.

It got so bad where my male friends would come to me and tell me their girls would say i was mean mugging them around campus, when I didnt even know who their girls were. It got really bad after the anonymous website situation, people just looked at me different. i would have friends who wouldnt even want to chill because they felt that they would be targeted next for being with me. I felt like the whole world was against me and when I needed my friends most they showed me who was really going to be there through thick and thin.

I cherish all my friendships but i am not going to go out of my way to prove myself to people. i feel that if a person is truly your friend when you feel like the world is against you, they will be right there to fight beside you. A lot of people forsaked me because they associated me with drama, or being a hoe or just being a negative person. I feel that friendship is when a person knows all about you and they still like you and want to be around you. I tell people all the time never judge me until you have taken a step in my shoes. Thats what I am trying to do, I am trying to give everyone out there a tour of my closet because I have nothing to hide. But at the end of the day if you decide you do not like me, let it be for the right reasons. Dislike me based off of your own analysis. Not because you heard a rumor or you want to be cool with a certain person, but then I guess thats why there and leaders and followers, its just the way the world is.

Never be a hermit crab, or shape shifter, never change who you are based on the people you around. I have a few extraordinary people in my life and they are honestly the reason I am alive to this day. So many times I wanted to give up when I was in such a dark place but they came with the blazing light, took me by the hand and lead me the right way.

Please join me on this journey to self discovery, I know I still have a lot to learn but I am ready and willing to try. A frend once told me " A friend to many is a friend to none". Just because there are a million people around you that doesnt mean that a million people will fight for you.

Never Settle: An Unshamed Truth

Hey Revolutionists,
I am going to allow you to take a brief look into my past. Something that I wrote almost a year ago. I was having almost the exact same feelings, I wanted to get out of a bad situation, be happy and let go of it all. Its crazy because I wrote it two weeks after I had left q, and here I am about two weeks after I have left him again. So what makes me different this time, this time I am ready to go through the actual hurt and pain to get over him.

I wrote this June 17th 2009, at around the same time I am writing this:
The reason I am writing this note is because in a little over a month I will be turning 21. I feel that turning 21 isn't only the significant number that represents legal freedom but I also believe this is the point in life when changes are made. I didn't want to write this note the night before my birthday but I wanted to write it after I had made the change that would probably change my life for the better. My friends always get on my about wearing my emotions on my sleeve or letting people know too much, but this is the way I am and this is the way I am always going to be. Another reason I am writing is for the people who has seen me as in the villain in more situations than one, even some of my close/friends and teammates have questions my choices even after they had heard the whole story, so to tell it right now seems irrelevant. The message I am trying to send out is to never settle and let people take advantage of you.

The Sins of my father:
It all started when he left and for going on 21 years, he has never been there for me and the emotional baggage I have carried because of this has ultimately damaged my relationship with men. It has always made me question their motives, made me paranoid, made me suspicious about everything. As far away and unaware as he is, he has taken advantage of my soul and tonight I finally realized that carrying around all this weight on my shoulders had made me weary and bitter and made me lash out on all the wrong people. I think it’s time to let it go.....

The Sins of my friends:
Right now I have a great circle of friends who have accepted me and love me for who I am, no matter all the shit that comes along with me. But then I have had some friends in life, which seemed like their only motives were to see my downfall. From High school, I had to put up with the girls and their catty ways, til up to now. But one girl, whose name will never be mentioned, will always stand out like a sore thumb. Now I’m the type of person, I get naïve at times and I feel like trust in females is sacred, but it’s this one girl who has the self destructed brain of a psycho path that would make me choose my friends a little more wisely. She is the girl who will never have any true friends, the girl that befriends new friends with the confidential business of her old ones. Through all of my hatred and dislike for this girl I have realized that its time, I let it go.

The sins of my coaches:
Now remember I said my father had never been there for me, so in my quest to fulfill that empty hole, I turned to two coaches during my college career, that would end the love for a sport that I had tried and worked hard to be the best in since 1999. The first man did his very best to empty out my bank account filled with pride and strength and determination to be better. He did the worse thing a coach could ever do, he killed my spirit and he did it “the smart way”. The second coach was the complete opposite in his methods of course. I looked to him for guidance and help to regain my strength, but the minute I got injured he showed me as much attention as an unwanted child. I carried so much resentment and hatred from my old coach that I was not able to completely heal, I was never the same. But I realized that hating these men will not make me stronger but weaker because I will still be carrying the weight of the pain they inflicted on my shoulders and I am once again weary….I think it’s time to let it go.

The Sins of my lovers:
I have trusted and cared for so many and each time they did something to do me wrong. From my first love to my first real love, each of them has taken away something from me that have left me angry and cold and I will only speak briefly on this subject because of the painful memories it brings back. I will not mention any names for the sake of respect I still have for each one of them. But I will also mention briefly the person who has changed my life forever for the good but mostly the bad. Long story short, we met and kicked it for a while, feelings grew, bad thing he didn’t tell me he had a girl. She came into the picture, I left briefly but he came back. I took him back and for a year we have been to hell and back. September 2nd, November 7th, December 18th will be three dates I would never forget for the rest of my life, all for horrible reasons. I am ashamed and strong enough to admit that I took that role for all this time, but I was weak and I was also in love with love. I always wanted someone to rescue me from my abusive past and the cheating ways of men. I needed so badly that I settled for a love that I had created and imagined. I have realized though, these past two weeks that giving up is harder than trying and I’m ready to be done with all the baggage and secrets and lies and everything that has come to make me who I am today. I think it’s time to let go.

So many women settle and belittle themselves all for the sake of men. What women have to realize is that some men look at them as dispensable, they are probably thinking, if she leaves, i can just go out and find another one willing to do what I want. never be in a position to be replaceable and never give a man the power to control your happiness, take control and be able to love yourself and be happy with just you...be your number one and thats when you can go out and find your soulmate. Confessions are good for the soul and I was tired of carrying this load. I’m done.

Say what you need to say, criticize, talk, compliment, be sympathetic, but I have already started a clean slate, I decided to let it all go.

Back then even though I wrote all those words I still wasnt really ready to let go and go through the pain I am going through now, but I think I was preparing for it. This time I am really asking for help by people reading my blog and learning from it.

So please please join me on this journey to self-discovery, healing one broken heart at a time. I love you guys.

I have a problem so I run to God

Hey revolutionists,
There are many reasons why I am writing about this topic but something really tragic happened and just like after any tragic thing everyone is running to God and evaluating their lives. But this sounds a little too familiar to me. I have seen it happen after 9/11, I have seen it happen after a death of a young person and I have seen it happened after all those earth quakes.

WHY is it that when something is going completely wrong do we run to God, Why cant we just on any given day say that I want my life to be right. I have had a lot of things go wrong but even when they were going right I still said that I wanted to live a better life and be completely happy with myself. When i talked to the other young woman who was involved in the same situation as me for almost two years, she took it as being a threat to her, and she wasn't trying to give me the time of day. All I was trying to do was show her that what we were doing to ourselves as women was not right in the eyes of God and we both deserved better. If she was ever to read my blog i would want her to know that even though all those things happened between us I am sorry we had to let it get that far.

The point is and i am going to say it because I believe it. Everyone is going to get worked up over something that just happened and the minute it has passed people are going to go about their lives just how they did it before. Think about it, how many times you have watched "feed the children" and you say something like "I want to make a difference" I want to help. But the minute you turn off your television and you go to sleep, by the time as morning those little children will be far from your mind.

Or when the earth quakes happened I saw so many tweets talking about the world ending and people wanting to get their life right. But as soon as the coverage slowed, I didnt see those same tweets and I saw people go about their lives the same way. Its crazy and it happens all the time, I just dont want something tragic happen to you that forces you to change.

I just want people to realize that they have to make their life right for them at a time when there is nothing influencing that decision. You just have to wake and and realize that you want to be happy. I am telling you it works. For so long I have been fighting this feeling that I am here for a bigger purpose, I didn't understand why i was being faced with so many obstacles. They were all tests, to see if I could make it through it all.

Holding on to silly grudges, hating people and judging people for no reason. Hurting people for selfish needs is only going to hurt you in the end. So for everyone out there that are doing these things, you cannot run to GOD when you have a problem. You were the one who were the furthest from him while you did all those sinful things.

Please join me on this journey to self-discovery. Don't let something tragic happen to you for you to want to make things right. I love you guys we can do this together.

Humpty Dumpty

Hey Revolutionists,
I am pretty sure that everyone has heard of a "little" old nursery rhyme "humpty dumpty", well after reading this entry you will completely understand why I decided to make that my title. I am sure I have mentioned before that basically almost every man I have encountered whether it be a father figure or me real father or a boyfriend has in some way hurt me. But I didn't really go into detail about it. A lot of people don't understand me and I am cool with that, the only reason I am explaining all of this because I know somewhere out there in the world there are women going through the same thing as me and I want to let them know that they are not alone.

Phase 1: I'll call this the sins of the "fathers". I grew up in a single parent home, my father has never ever been around. But I do have a few childhood memories where my biological father would come around and promise me just about anything any young girl would want, and to this day I have never gotten any of those things. My father has not given me one thing in my life, he has never supported me in anything that I have done. I remember a story when I was moving from public to private school and out off all the years my mother asked him to help and he told her to just leave me in public school. I felt hurt but I didn't let it get me down, I worked my ass off and I got a scholarship for track and fiend, nothing was given to me, I worked for it. I remember another story when my mother had decided to put him in court for child supposrt, he appealed the case, threatened my mother's job and has never paid a dime. Now besides him there have been other men who wanted to help out but they were never truly committed. One of them when I got old enough tried to come on to me and the other one just constantly lies about doing things to help me. Lets just say, I have some serious daddy issues.

Phase 2: The sins of my lovers
My first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything probably cheated on me more times than I can count. This right here set off a chain reaction for how I thought I was suppose to get treated. More came after him that cheated and lied and hurt me and it made me start to question myself. What was I doing wrong, what is wrong with me? As all these years have passed I have talked to each of them and they have all told me that I didn't do anything to make them cheat, so I'm still here confused.

But this last one, he honest to God took it all. He did more that shatter my heart, he broke through to the core and hurt my soul. He made me insecure, paranoid, he made me question my very existence as a human being. People asked me over and over why couldn't I leave. But let me tell you something, when someone has broken you down so much and manipulated you into believing everything they say, there is no way to break through those invisible forces to leave. People called me crazy, psychotic, everything in the book, I started to believe I was crazy because of the way he made me feel. I went to a counseling group, I saw a sports psychologist. He literally had me in depression. There were some days when I couldn't leave my room to go to class, it just stayed dark and I cried and cried.

My heart was humpty dumpty, no matter what my friends and family tried to do, they couldn't help me put the pieces back together again. I can describe the situation as a car, if you mistreat your car, run it real down, never take it for a oil change. Always drive it around and never fill the tank with gas, that car is going to give out on you and you are going to have to take it to the junk yard. Well in all this I found a mechanic who was willing to take certain parts from that car and rebuild a brand new model. God is my mechanic, and I left all the emotional and physical pain and the broken heart behind. God has built me into a brand new person. The memories are still there but the scars have started to fade away.

This is what I want people to know, my writing is everything. IT is what makes me wake up in the morning to start another day. It is the only way I know how to express myself, its like oxygen to me. I have been emotionally, physically and verbally abused before but I am still standing. I weathered the storm and I knew that there was sunshine after the rain. Getting over the pain and going through the hurt is no easy task, everyday is a battle. I don't look for pity, I look for understanding and when you read this you will know I am a better person than I was yesterday.

So join me on this journey to self discovery, for the women out there who didn't make it, this is for you. I love you guys lets really start this revolution.

Underneath it All

Hey Revolutionists,
Have you ever heard of that song, "underneath it all". For some reason that was stuck in my head. Do people really love you and want to be with you underneath it all, all of the superficial and physical attributes that you present to them. Well the point of this post is that people today are really too caught up on everything that's on the outside.

Brief review: When I was real young I didn't know what it meant to have long hair and skin a certain color or eyes a certain color. I didn't know that when it would come time to finding friends and boyfriends that all that would play a factor in being chosen. But then I grew up and not only did I realize it but I experienced how it felt to not really have any of those attributes. I am not a stranger to being teased and cyber bullying has come to know me real well. I was with a boy back home for two years in high school and I guess you can say that the girls didn't think I was "right" for him. So I was subjected to anonymous websites, my character and my worth was brought down for all the island to see because certain people didn't think I had the "right" look to be with him. I remember this one time in high school, I had a breakout really bad and my school was having a huge celebration because we had won just about every sport on the Island. All the local media was there, it was packed. These group of girls decided that they hated me so much they had set up for a group of boys to shout about my face when I went up to get my award. Now the boys didn't do it but I am telling you this show how far people went to hurt me because they decided that they didn't like me. I experienced it all, I had girls hate me because I ran track or because I was in the top academic stream at school. It was like I was being punished for everything I was and everything people thought I wasn't.

Lets Fwd it to college, I woke up one day to the same high school BS; the anonymous website once again. I honest to God felt like it was happening all over again. They trashed my name, my character, everything about me because I was involved with a boy they said I had no reason being with. They went as far as telling me to kill myself, it really got that bad. The difference between high school and college was that I knew who I was inside and out.
I didn't need anyone to define my worth or tell me that I was ugly or tell me that I wasn't good enough for someone. Its like you can try and try to move on and put yourself in different situations, different locations but evil is everywhere. There is always going to be someone out there that is armed and ready to bring you down. You know the crazy part? in everything that was said, the people were always anonymous on those websites. The biggest cowards wear the biggest masks.

The point of this blog is to show that I have nothing to hide. All my life people have tried to bring me down but I kept up a resistance because a quitter doesn't live here. People who have met me in the late stages of my life don't know me. So they too judge me saying I have a bad attitude or that I am a bitch or that I am conceited. But if they were to read my blog I just want to tell them I am none of those things, i am just someone who made it. I tell people all the time, never judge me until you have taken a single step in my shoes.

Cyber bullying and bullying on the whole has become one of the biggest problems being faced in the world right now. If there are young women out there reading this I just want you to know that you are not alone. I just read about a teen that killed herself because she was being bullied and I don't think it should come to that. On that website over a year ago they told me to kill myself, But I'm still here, I am here making it happen.

WE cant control evil, it exists and through all my insecurities and different issues I still look in the mirror everyday and I love what I see. Underneath it all I am this shining light that never goes dim because i believed in myself and I believe that I am here to serve a greater purpose.

To all the women out there please know that this is you and you should never let anyone tell you what your worth is and how you should look. No one was appointed the position of judge, there is only one person, the Almighty who has that rightful position. Never let anyone tell you that you are not right for someone or that you don't deserve to be with them, because that person chose you, they want to be with you, So hold your head high and be happy.

So join me on this journey to self-discovery. I love you guys!
Please listen to christina aguilera's song "beautiful" after this, that song is beyond powerful.

The Power of forgiveness leads to closure

Hey Revolutionists,
What can I say, when the words come to me I take advantage of it because there are some days where I cannot think of one thing to write. I think this topic right here has to be the most deep that I can ever write on. I know a lot of you have been hurt out there and a lot of times instead of forgiving or finding closure you just suppress those feelings and they end up exploding at all the wrong times. The reason I can write about these topics is because I was, like a lot of women out there who just couldn't think of forgiving the people who had done me wrong.

Just about every single man who have entered my life at some point has done me wrong or lied to me or just about hurt me in some way. I could just sit here and hate them and judge them for what they did. But who told me or gave me the right to do that. It is not my job or your job to punish or judge anyone on this earth. Do you know what your job is? It is to ultimately forgive that person and that in turn will lead to closure.

Pay attention to what I say next, do not misconstrue my words or make assumptions before you have read everything. Well over the last few months things have been going really bad for me you know and really before all of it I had taken myself to the Bible. During this time (I don't want to say I had a vision) I had this feeling come over me that made me put a lot of things into perspective, I think its a part of growing up. I just had this feeling come over me that I had to make everything right in my life. I broke it off with him and I hit up the girl and basically it was more of me making it right than her. She didn't want to hear anything I had to say and I mean one day she might realize it but I had to forgive him and her and the whole situation so I could have closure. She still wasn't trying to hear it because I think she sees herself as the victim and in the situation we were in, no one was the victim. Everyone did a lot of hurtful things to each party but I am willing to let that go.

A lot of people think closure has to do with finding out everything and talking about ending it but that's not the truth. I think closure is when you finally are able to forgive that person and you know within yourself that you are ready to move on, even if they don't hit you up or say the exact words that you want them to.

I see people of different ages dying everyday and I think to myself did that person do everything in their power to be completely happy? Did they still hold on to meaningless grudges? Did they forgive? Well as of today at this very second I am typing I can truly say that I forgave everyone who has done me wrong and I have closure from it all.

If you close your eyes right now to fall asleep can you with a pure heart say that you have done everything in your power to be happy? Lets make it happen...

(Mark 11:25-26) 25 Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father, who is in heaven, may also forgive you your transgressions. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your transgressions.”"

Two can play that game? uh right

Hey Revolutionists,
I had to get on this topic after me and my best friend just had a very long and thorough conversation a few minutes ago. Its crazy when women utter or even think that they can "play" the same game as men. Its funny because the other day i was talking to this female and i guess you can say we are not the best of friends. I was basically telling her that both she and I as women have made ourselves look very weak and set a bad example for other young women out there for staying in the situation we have for two years. You know what she said to me? "well two can play that game...". I kind of just laughed because it made no sense that she would have a boyfriend, supply him with whatever he wanted and needed and would go out there and do the same thing for another man because her boyfriend was cheating. Think about it guys who looks like they are losing in this situation? We cant help the standards that are created, it is what it is you know.

I asked my male friends about this and all of them said it made her sound like a hoe. I know its wrong that men could do it and get away with it but I have come to the conclusion that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, different planets, different genders, different rules. I think in the situation with this female, she was just tired of hearing from me and about me with him and she got to the point where she had to make it seem that she wasnt really into him and that she wasnt investing so much. But I knew it was a lie, it was my bad but I found letters from her to him saying something totally different.

What I am trying to say today is, if you have a boyfriend and you have to ever say "two can play that game" sweetheart there is no reason why you should still be with him. A relationship is not a competition, it is not a way to see who can get even more. I just dont understand why she would still be around after almost two years and think that she needs to get even so that he can show her more respect than love, it doesnt work like that.

This is what is suppose to happen in a relationship, both of you should be on the same team working towards one common goal; making each other happy. The minute you find out that either of you has joined another team and is playing both sides of the field that is when you know you have to call it quits. I learned the hard way, I got really injured but ever since then I have been working my ass off to be a good team player.

WE as women need to take a stand, stop settling and stop waiting for him to come around and realize you were the one. You need to leave so that they can see what life is like without you and if you were meant to be you would both realize you cannot live without each other. I know it hurts but you just have to go through it if you truly want to be happy in the end.

Join me on this journey to self-discovery, helping one broken heart at a time. I love you guys please support me.

who said crying makes you weak

Hey Revolutionists,
I had to write on this topic about crying because I feel like people take it as a sign of weakness if you cry but I look at it from a different perspective. I think my tears always symbolize the washing away of something out my life or bringing something into my life. You know its something like the waves of the ocean, you see it coming into shore like its bringing something but then it kind of splashes right back out. Well the point of it all is dont be afraid to shed a few tears ya know. I felt like over the past two years I have cried so much I felt that one day my eyes were going to be like no Bianca there aren't anymore tears left. I use to just break down and cry like everywhere, in the shower, before i went to sleep, watching a movie. One time I went to the fridge and there wasnt any milk left and i cried, lol it really got that bad.

If you are in a situation where you find yourself crying more than laughing, it is really time for a change. I found myself in a situation where I didnt even know what it meant to be happy. Men would want to talk to me and they were honest to God good men, I would find myself being annoyed that they really cared about my well being and I would cut them off. I was so use to being with a bad man, that I didnt even know how to accept a good one.

I find that is a problem with a lot of women these days, they become so accustomed to bad treatment that when they finally have someone willing to treat them right they push them away. Well I am still on this journey to self discovery, I am honest enough to say that I do not know what a good man looks like but I am willing to accept him with open arms if he does happen to come along.

So I left that bad situation and I am not saying that I am completely over him because this blog would be pointless if I was. I allow myself to cry for about 30 seconds, I think about how far I have came and the tears stop flowing and I continue about my day. Before I use to cry for days, then hours, then it went to mins. Now I only allow a few seconds, I pick myself up and I push through it.
i dont regret ever being with him because it was a valuable lesson you know, i dont think my life would have been the same without it.

What I am saying, if you are in a situation that is similar just know that the recovery process is no easy task. If you see the signs early on please leave, its not worth having your heart torn apart because the thing is with hearts, you can try to put them back together again but they will never be quite the same

A message to the men out there, if you see that you are making someone cry its better to leave her now than to lead her on because in the end she will never be the same again.

I love you guys stay strong always think of your tears as waves, somethingg entering and then leaving your lives...Please join me on this journey to self discovery, helping women one broken heart at a time.

sharing isnt caring when it comes to sharing men

Hey Revolutionists,
This topic has to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to write on. To admit that I had once been weak and fallen into something so embarrasing and something that cost me so much is hard to admit. But I think that the only way truly get past something is to admit it and express how you feel about it.
How many times have you read a story or watched a movie or even witnessed a friend in a situation where they have been with someone who is with someone else.
One particular article comes to mind, this woman was with a man who had a wife, and she was with him for 10years. He kept promising that he would leave his wife and that he loved her so much, but 10 years. What do you think is the chance that he would leave his wife after all those years??? Think about it! I know people out there are probably going, she is stupid and she should have known better, but let me enlighten you from an inside perspective.
When you are with someone and maybe you dont know about the other person or maybe you do, but the point it when you have the type of feelings for a person that you would go to the end of the earth for, there is no way that you can just turn it off and on like a light switch.
I was with someone for 2 years and they sold me everything to make me believe that what we has was more real than anything I had ever experienced. He dogged the other girl out made it seem as if he was completely using her and that i was more to him than anything. See the only problem was, he had successfully found a way to manipulate everything down to my breath. I was a puppet and i let him control my worth. It got so bad that my mood would be according to the way he treated me.
I am not the person now that I was with him but the reason I wanted to share this story and its so hard typing the words, because I lost a lot being with him.

I want women to read this and know that it is not under any circumstances ok to share a man, if I could have just up and left trust and believe me i would have, its scary losing someone you love and have invested so much time and emotions into. The point is when I was with him I was in a dark place, my grades went down, I did horrible in track, it was like I was breathing in and out but I wasnt living, I guess you can say I was on autopilot. I lost a lot of friends and potential friends staying in the situation. Men and women looked at me different, it was unnecessary drama and it messed up any chances I might have had with other men because of this stigma that was placed over my head.

Well the point is and I can say this now, dont be afraid to hurt and be in pain, there are going to be a lot of hard days when the only thing you can do is sit there and cry. The worse thing to do is think about what could have been. But let me give you a little advice, if that man loves you, truly loves you he would NEVER make you an option. He would never make you feel less than you are worth. He would never let the whole world be against you and not offer himself as a sheild.

The person I was with had the best of both worlds, he had one girl supplying him with an endless amount of superficial and material possessions and one that catered to his emotional and physical needs.

Point black I am ok with being the sacrificial lamb, I want to be your sheild and guide you, these men that are in the middle are never going to choose, look at it from this way, try to find the end result, do you honestly think that in the end you are going to end up with him?

Women are beautiful and unique creatures, know your worth and never judge someone until you have taken a step in their shoes.
I love you guys lets continue on this journey to self discovery, let go and be free.

Bravery over Bitterness

Morning Revolutionists,
I just wanted to go over bravery and bitterness because I believe it is the most crucial thing after you have left something that might have been bad or that have left you damaged. Bravery is defined as possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance. Bitterness can be defined as characterized by intense antagonism or hostility: bitter hatred. When you see those two definitions would you want to exhibit courage or hostility. Most of you would probably say be brave but in reality you will not be this way. I can say that because I too have taken that bitter road before and what I have learned is the only person it ends up hurting is me. You end up pushing away the people who truly care about you.
I have been hurt by every man who have probably entered my life from my mother down to my latest relationship and after almost 22 years I could just jump to the conclusion that I am always going to get hurt, but instead i enter each new relationship with the hope that a man is finally going to treat me the way i deserve. I am honestly tired and I am sure men are too, of women coming into relationships talking about I have been hurt before I dont know if I could trust again. Right there! at that very moment you have opened the flood gates for trust issues in something that's so new and that you know nothing about.

Its always a gamble, we can never know if that person is running game or not, the only thing we can do is us and do it at our best because in the end you know within yourself that you gave your all to make it work. Trust me ladies if you are being good to a man who isnt good to you, dont think its all for nothing. There might be someone waiting and ready to make one man's trash his treasure. So be you and be great, you never know who is watching.

Its time to be brave and not bitter..get up dust ur self off and love again. Never let being hurt stop you from getting back up on the saddle.

A woman's worth

hey there revolutionists
I can't stop right now, its really like an addiction, everything is just flowing right. Now when you read my title what instantly comes to your mind? When I thought about this one, I thought about all the women that go through some much BS in their life that they dont even know their worth anymore and for that moment they head down a path to self destruction. I am going to describe what I think you should feel going into a relationship and then being in one.

1. I believe that a woman should have complete control over her body, mind, spirit and soul and that the only man who should have her heart is God. I believe that the man should seek God to find that woman's heart. I knw a lot of people have their belief systems but its just the context of the situation. Before you enter a relationship you need to make sure that you have a relationship with yourself and that you are happy with you. A lot of women don't give themselves enough time and they jump into relationships they are not ready for. Another mistake women make is that they are always looking for someone to save or mend their broken heart. Sweety you do not need a man to put you back together, all you need is will and faith in God and those two weapons can combat anything.

2. When you are in a relationship I think there are 5 or more guidelines that will let you know if you are being respected enough to matter and have a say in the relationship.

1. - He treats you as an equal, how many times i hear women say how they feel like they are giving 60 and he 40 or they give more, but you get the point. Let me tell you something if you feel like you are giving .5% more that him, something needs to change or its time to decide other options.
2. - He has taken you to meet his family. Alot of people dont understand the importance of this but it shows that he is proud of you and he wants his family to understand how important you are to him.
3. -Compromise. I see so many relationships go down hill because someone doesnt want to compromise, a good relationship requires this and sacrifice among other things.
4. -He listens. communication is the important thing in a relationship. If he doesnt remember simple things or ignores you for insignificant things, then there is a problem.
5. He is caught up. There is nothing worse than a man who doesnt have his business together, just caught up on the wrong things.

For the past two years I had a hard time knowing my real worth because I had a man who brought it down every step of the way. He broke my spirit, soul, heart and body, I had to be completely put back together again, I am actually still on the mend. Me and God are working on getting rid of this heart-break cancer. It made me resentful and for a brief period really bitter. I talked to my friends, counselors, my mother but the person who truly made me realize what I was worth is GOD. I spoke to him, i prayed to him and I read his word and I knew within myself that I was not meant to endure those things. I was too strong and I knew God had put me on this earth for a greater purpose.

So ladies its real simple, sit for a second evaluate your situation, think about how God created you in his image and know that you always deserve the best, what else do we think of when we think of God (the best, the greatest, the almighty)

chillin on venus lost on mars

I thought all I had was one post in me today, but I really feel like putting some stuff out there. Now the title chillin on venus , im sure everyone has heard of that phrase men are from mars women are from venus. So at this point im chilling and im comfortable being a woman but I am completely lost when it comes to men.
Let me tell you the biggest mistake women make today, they go and read all those little self help books, written by other women that try and describe how and why men do things. Do you see the mistake here? How can a "woman" describe what a man does unless she was a he and had a sex change. Let me tell you something and this probably is the best advice i can give. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT try to figure out why they do the things they do.
Let them be because if you have a good man who is good to you then you wont need to find out why he is doing certain things cuz he is doing them right. If you have a bad man and you are trying to find out why he is the way he is then you should LEAVE, why the hell would you want a man thats bad to you...Think about that for a second.
So revolutionist lets take this journey on Venus and not worry so much about what is going on in mars...You will only end up with an earth size headache..TRUST ME I have been there before.
Until next time...be careful who you love and who you let love you because some people were born to destruct.

In the beginning

Hey Guys,
This is like the first time I have ever written on one of these things and I think it is way past due. Well I am just going to get to the point. Everyone of my boyfriends have cheated on me or lied to me or have broken my heart in some way. I could let all that make me bitter but I still believe in true love. I believe in love that embodies both people and make them whole. Well the point of all this is to reach out to the broken hearts of the world and start a revolution. I know it might sound a little corny but I want to start a "Broken-Hearts Revolution, changing the way women act and react when they have had their heart broken. I want to make it a life mission to help one woman at a time if I have to starting with myself. Its going to be a long journey and I would love if everyone out there can come along for the ride. I am all about self expression and realness and you will not meet anyone else in the world like me. So lets start this journey, this revolution, this life changing experience.