Hey Revolutionist,
Its almost 4 in the morning and I cant sleep. If you knew me you would know that's nothing new for me. Once again if you knew me you would know that my life is complicated. I feel like the minute I am happy, here comes a million and 1 things trying to knock it down. The one thing that is different this time though is that I am the one who is in complete control of my happiness. Before this I use to let what other people do, say and how they treat me effect my happiness, well not anymore.
There is no worse feeling though than being constantly accused and being stigmatized because someone wants to form negative opinions about you. The one thing I can pride myself in saying is that I am open a book. I have flaws, I admit them all the time, I am not perfect and I don't try to be. But the one thing I wont ever stand again as long as I live is giving a man the power to degrade me and determine my worth. I am tired of taking on the defeatist attitude when someone hurts me or does something wrong. I am tired of giving men complete and utter control to have a reign of terror over my head.
All my years of living I have learned that whenever someone has made up their mind about you without a primary source (you), do not give that person a second out of your day to plead your case. Ignorance is bliss, let them shine in it.
A girl gets tired of the false rumors and fabricated stories but people must be talking for a reason. At the end of the day no matter how long it takes, the truth always comes out. My faith cannot be deterred, I know that I am still her for a purpose. I believed in strength, I got strong and not God is using me to help others...nothing great comes easy...
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose ROMANS 8:28
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Me and God are on the same page
Hey Revolutionists,
Each day it is becoming exceedingly clear what the path is God wants me to take. For so long I kept wondering why was it that I felt like I had to do everything on my own. That's just what it was, God wanted me to do everything on my own so that I could learn to be strong, become strong and use my strength to help others. Every now and then I look up and i break down a little but then there is this voice from with in that tells me everything is going to be OK.
There is no reason to question God or question the things that you are going through because every step you take and move you make God has mapped out for you. Do not let the worries and sins of the world blind you from your true destination. Some times you might fall off your path but just know you will always make it back to where you need to be.
I have faith in abundance and I know that when its my turn it is going to be great. God knows where I have been and he knows where I am going to be. He lets us make these decisions and gives us choices so that he knows when we are ready to make it on our own. He chooses certain people and gives them more of a load than others because he knows what we can handle. People always wonder why some people have it easier than the rest, that is not up to you to wonder. Just know that God knows what he is doing, he knows us best.
Quick words from my heart just to let every know where my life is at the moment. Continue to follow me on this journey to happiness and self-discovery!! love u guys.
Jeremiah 1:5
'And before I formed thee in the belly, I knew thee; and before thou camest forth of the womb, I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
Each day it is becoming exceedingly clear what the path is God wants me to take. For so long I kept wondering why was it that I felt like I had to do everything on my own. That's just what it was, God wanted me to do everything on my own so that I could learn to be strong, become strong and use my strength to help others. Every now and then I look up and i break down a little but then there is this voice from with in that tells me everything is going to be OK.
There is no reason to question God or question the things that you are going through because every step you take and move you make God has mapped out for you. Do not let the worries and sins of the world blind you from your true destination. Some times you might fall off your path but just know you will always make it back to where you need to be.
I have faith in abundance and I know that when its my turn it is going to be great. God knows where I have been and he knows where I am going to be. He lets us make these decisions and gives us choices so that he knows when we are ready to make it on our own. He chooses certain people and gives them more of a load than others because he knows what we can handle. People always wonder why some people have it easier than the rest, that is not up to you to wonder. Just know that God knows what he is doing, he knows us best.
Quick words from my heart just to let every know where my life is at the moment. Continue to follow me on this journey to happiness and self-discovery!! love u guys.
Jeremiah 1:5
'And before I formed thee in the belly, I knew thee; and before thou camest forth of the womb, I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Who am I?
Hey Revolutionists,
How are you today? Well I am a little bummed out but I also cant dwell...I am not a perfect woman and I never claimed to be. What I am is a woman who is imperfect and I do have flaws. But the one positive thing I believe in is helping others. I believe that there are some people that are put here on this earth to go through certain things and overcome very powerful obstacles so that they can help others with their own experiences.
I am a very passionate person when I believe in something. I am also not easily impressed and my biggest pet peeve is to have someone tarnish my name. I lost a friend today because she did one of those things. I am a lot of things but I am a person who would never use something someone told me as ammunition against them. I don't believe that is what friendship is about. I think that the worse thing someone can do is use something against me I was already hurting from. I would never in life trust that person the same way and I would never in life be friends with a person like that again.
When you try to help people, they take it the wrong way. I love my friends dearly and when they hurt I honest to God hurt along with them. So who am I to want them happy and to want them to see the things I have been through and learn from it. The lows that I have experienced I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy. The problem with some women is that we get confused when we are in love and that brings out the worse in us.
The purpose of this blog and I believe the purpose of my life is to prevent as much broken hearts as possible and to show women signs that may be happening from the beginning so as to prevent any hurt. I feel like everyday is a test. Everyday I am losing a friend. People find it easier to call me crazy than to understand me.
I am a woman who have been hurt. I am a woman who have lost friends. I am a woman with dreams. I am a woman who have love and lost. I am a fighter but most of all .I AM ME. I feel like in order for me to get where I need to be I am going to lose people along with way but its all apart of the sacrifice I am making now to get where I need to be...
Continue to follow me on this journey to self discovery, healing one broken heart at a time!
How are you today? Well I am a little bummed out but I also cant dwell...I am not a perfect woman and I never claimed to be. What I am is a woman who is imperfect and I do have flaws. But the one positive thing I believe in is helping others. I believe that there are some people that are put here on this earth to go through certain things and overcome very powerful obstacles so that they can help others with their own experiences.
I am a very passionate person when I believe in something. I am also not easily impressed and my biggest pet peeve is to have someone tarnish my name. I lost a friend today because she did one of those things. I am a lot of things but I am a person who would never use something someone told me as ammunition against them. I don't believe that is what friendship is about. I think that the worse thing someone can do is use something against me I was already hurting from. I would never in life trust that person the same way and I would never in life be friends with a person like that again.
When you try to help people, they take it the wrong way. I love my friends dearly and when they hurt I honest to God hurt along with them. So who am I to want them happy and to want them to see the things I have been through and learn from it. The lows that I have experienced I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy. The problem with some women is that we get confused when we are in love and that brings out the worse in us.
The purpose of this blog and I believe the purpose of my life is to prevent as much broken hearts as possible and to show women signs that may be happening from the beginning so as to prevent any hurt. I feel like everyday is a test. Everyday I am losing a friend. People find it easier to call me crazy than to understand me.
I am a woman who have been hurt. I am a woman who have lost friends. I am a woman with dreams. I am a woman who have love and lost. I am a fighter but most of all .I AM ME. I feel like in order for me to get where I need to be I am going to lose people along with way but its all apart of the sacrifice I am making now to get where I need to be...
Continue to follow me on this journey to self discovery, healing one broken heart at a time!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Free
Hey REVOLUTIONISTS,
How have you guys been, Well I have been great, besides a few things that is beyond my control things have changed for the better in everything else. When I went home for a few weeks it was the happiest I have ever been in years. I was around family and friends and the weather wasn't too bad either.
When I was home I didn't think about the drama and the pain or the hurt that came along with Maryland, I was on a high and no one could bring me down. I think that people could feel the positive vibes from me because I wasnt doing too bad in the men department either lol.
You know whats so crazy, it didnt take a tragic event, or me crying or some big sign for me to finally be done with q, it was a simple gesture, a feeling that the person who I was talking to was the right move to make. He complimented me everyday and he made me feel like I was going to be the only one. After all those years of being hurt and belittled by a man who I gave my all to, I finally realized that there were other people out there who was willing to do whatever it took to keep a smile on my face and that lifted me.
I would be lying if I said that I was completely over the situation and that I didnt love him anymore but I had to move on before I imploded. I was holding on to something that God didnt want me to have and that is why I got hurt so bad. Now I finally feel free, sometimes I find myself smiling for no reason. honestly it isnt because I have a new boyfriend (it is part of the reason). It is because I found the strength to move on.
The biggest mistake women make is letting a man determine their happiness, letting men control their emotions and letting men determind their worth. Once you take control of your life, you are the only one who can make you happy.
Continue to follow me on this journey to self discovery and happiness...love u guys!
How have you guys been, Well I have been great, besides a few things that is beyond my control things have changed for the better in everything else. When I went home for a few weeks it was the happiest I have ever been in years. I was around family and friends and the weather wasn't too bad either.
When I was home I didn't think about the drama and the pain or the hurt that came along with Maryland, I was on a high and no one could bring me down. I think that people could feel the positive vibes from me because I wasnt doing too bad in the men department either lol.
You know whats so crazy, it didnt take a tragic event, or me crying or some big sign for me to finally be done with q, it was a simple gesture, a feeling that the person who I was talking to was the right move to make. He complimented me everyday and he made me feel like I was going to be the only one. After all those years of being hurt and belittled by a man who I gave my all to, I finally realized that there were other people out there who was willing to do whatever it took to keep a smile on my face and that lifted me.
I would be lying if I said that I was completely over the situation and that I didnt love him anymore but I had to move on before I imploded. I was holding on to something that God didnt want me to have and that is why I got hurt so bad. Now I finally feel free, sometimes I find myself smiling for no reason. honestly it isnt because I have a new boyfriend (it is part of the reason). It is because I found the strength to move on.
The biggest mistake women make is letting a man determine their happiness, letting men control their emotions and letting men determind their worth. Once you take control of your life, you are the only one who can make you happy.
Continue to follow me on this journey to self discovery and happiness...love u guys!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
I became all too familiar...#in2010
Hey Revolutionists!!
Its a new year and for the life of me I WILL NOT SAY "ITS A NEW ME". A good friend once told me that I should never change because she loves me just the way I am. So going into this new year I am going to say that I am only making improvements and deletions. Even a car in great condition needs a tune up and oil change once in a while. With deletions being mentioned I realized that there were a lot of negative people in my life who just brought out something bad in me, something that was destroying me from within..something I just couldn't allow to happen anymore!
#in2010 I almost lost my way, I was taken so far off my path I had to crawl blind just to get back where I needed to be. I felt like I had taken my own self hostage and that I held my own happiness for Ransom, waiting for someone else to come along and pay. BIG MISTAKE...I kept trying to let other people determine my self worth and kept giving the responsibility of being happy to someone else.
#in2010 I allowed myself to become consumed and fight for something that GOD did not want me to have and that is why I fell so hard and hurt so bad. When you decide to go up against someone as powerful as God when you decide to challenge the destiny he has laid out for you is when you seek the biggest downfall.
#in2010 I was forever grateful for the handful of friends and family that I could depend on no matter what. I tried everything in my power to push me away but they held on didn't budge and helped me through til the end. For them I am forever grateful.
#in2010 I lost one of my best friends I don't think she knows how hurt I was over it. I don't know how it happened but it did. I know that you cant force people to understand or make them see what you see but I really thought she would be there for me til the end. I know there are always three sides to a story but my version was that she held our friendship for convenience, it was a lot of things that happened and I didn't understand why she was doing it but in the end she chose the people she wanted to be with and I honestly believe we can never go back to the way things were. Just one of those things you have to let go but still cherish. I always love her.
#in2010 I was called pathetic, desperate, crazy and every other derogatory name in the book because I had loved a man. A man who I probably wasn't suppose to fall in love with in the first place, because the more i loved him, the more pain I felt...I kept trying to hold on to something I was not suppose to have, well not at this moment.
I wouldn't let people in, I wouldn't let other men love me, I was too afraid to be hurt again. I didn't know how to move on. But one night I found myself doing something real stupid and I sat in my living room on my laptop looking at the words I was typing not for me but for someone else and I realized that I was done. Strange thing, Keri hilson's song "Breaking point" came on and it was like the words were being imprinted on my heart "Every woman has a breaking point ya’ll (breaking point)
Hey, I know you know, some women can be lied to And cheated on, and beated on
Somebody know, Every woman has a breaking point"...there was a limit to my love and even though i had endured all of those things something just broke inside me and I knew that I had had enough of it all.
#in2010 my father died, I know that I had written about him a couple of times just saying how he had never been there for me and how bout I always wanted a father. I wanted to just tell him all these things and just let him know how I felt. But I can never get a chance to do that because he is gone. I haven't really cried, my emotions have been all over the place, i just don't know. But the hardest part about losing him was not hearing from some of my own close friends, I felt like a lot of people should have reached out to me who didn't but in the end it just makes the deletion process easier.
I hate cutting people out of my life but some times its a necessary pain to get to a positive experience. I truly believe that people come into your life for a reason. My mother, Candy, Brittany, TJ,Shanti, Ashley, Bre, Ashley Harris and countless other family and friends but Quintin came into my life and it was an experience, he became a test of Faith and he became a constant obstacle that I fought for 2.5 years. Because of him I know what true love is and isn't I know my worth and I know how to be strong.
#in2011 I am not going to change my core values I am only going to embrace the lessons I have learnt and the few people I have taken with me. The journey is not quite over, its really just beginning I love everyone who has helped me get this far, I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world.
Its a new year and for the life of me I WILL NOT SAY "ITS A NEW ME". A good friend once told me that I should never change because she loves me just the way I am. So going into this new year I am going to say that I am only making improvements and deletions. Even a car in great condition needs a tune up and oil change once in a while. With deletions being mentioned I realized that there were a lot of negative people in my life who just brought out something bad in me, something that was destroying me from within..something I just couldn't allow to happen anymore!
#in2010 I almost lost my way, I was taken so far off my path I had to crawl blind just to get back where I needed to be. I felt like I had taken my own self hostage and that I held my own happiness for Ransom, waiting for someone else to come along and pay. BIG MISTAKE...I kept trying to let other people determine my self worth and kept giving the responsibility of being happy to someone else.
#in2010 I allowed myself to become consumed and fight for something that GOD did not want me to have and that is why I fell so hard and hurt so bad. When you decide to go up against someone as powerful as God when you decide to challenge the destiny he has laid out for you is when you seek the biggest downfall.
#in2010 I was forever grateful for the handful of friends and family that I could depend on no matter what. I tried everything in my power to push me away but they held on didn't budge and helped me through til the end. For them I am forever grateful.
#in2010 I lost one of my best friends I don't think she knows how hurt I was over it. I don't know how it happened but it did. I know that you cant force people to understand or make them see what you see but I really thought she would be there for me til the end. I know there are always three sides to a story but my version was that she held our friendship for convenience, it was a lot of things that happened and I didn't understand why she was doing it but in the end she chose the people she wanted to be with and I honestly believe we can never go back to the way things were. Just one of those things you have to let go but still cherish. I always love her.
#in2010 I was called pathetic, desperate, crazy and every other derogatory name in the book because I had loved a man. A man who I probably wasn't suppose to fall in love with in the first place, because the more i loved him, the more pain I felt...I kept trying to hold on to something I was not suppose to have, well not at this moment.
I wouldn't let people in, I wouldn't let other men love me, I was too afraid to be hurt again. I didn't know how to move on. But one night I found myself doing something real stupid and I sat in my living room on my laptop looking at the words I was typing not for me but for someone else and I realized that I was done. Strange thing, Keri hilson's song "Breaking point" came on and it was like the words were being imprinted on my heart "Every woman has a breaking point ya’ll (breaking point)
Hey, I know you know, some women can be lied to And cheated on, and beated on
Somebody know, Every woman has a breaking point"...there was a limit to my love and even though i had endured all of those things something just broke inside me and I knew that I had had enough of it all.
#in2010 my father died, I know that I had written about him a couple of times just saying how he had never been there for me and how bout I always wanted a father. I wanted to just tell him all these things and just let him know how I felt. But I can never get a chance to do that because he is gone. I haven't really cried, my emotions have been all over the place, i just don't know. But the hardest part about losing him was not hearing from some of my own close friends, I felt like a lot of people should have reached out to me who didn't but in the end it just makes the deletion process easier.
I hate cutting people out of my life but some times its a necessary pain to get to a positive experience. I truly believe that people come into your life for a reason. My mother, Candy, Brittany, TJ,Shanti, Ashley, Bre, Ashley Harris and countless other family and friends but Quintin came into my life and it was an experience, he became a test of Faith and he became a constant obstacle that I fought for 2.5 years. Because of him I know what true love is and isn't I know my worth and I know how to be strong.
#in2011 I am not going to change my core values I am only going to embrace the lessons I have learnt and the few people I have taken with me. The journey is not quite over, its really just beginning I love everyone who has helped me get this far, I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world.
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