Fading

Hey Revolutionists,
I'm back and with some sad news. At 3:30am my father passed away. I don't know how to feel about it, there are a million and one emotions running through me right now. First I was overwhelmed with sadness, I cried..Then I was angry, I was mad because he left to soon...Then there was the guilt, guilt of hating him and being mad at him for so long. Now I feel a little empty like something was lost that can never be found.

I have written about my Father a few times and all the times have been about him never being there and the broken promises and how basically all my mistrust in men has stemmed from him. Then there is the unanswered questions, all the things I wish I could a chance to ask but can never do it now that he is gone.

How do you feel when your father dies? Does it matter in the end that you never worked things out? Do you ever get closure? Will your heart completely heal?

I don't know why but the minute I found out, I felt a wall close around my heart and led me into a feeling of nothingness.

How will I ever know?
My heart is fading.....